My father had affairs while we were growing up. As a child I remember lots of arguing and shouting. It wasn’t until later that I was able to put two and two together. In one of my previous posts, I recounted an event where I was made aware of my father’s infidelity.
I was about 9 or 10 while playing in the playground at school that 5 or 6 classmates came to me laughing. One of them said to me, “Ha ha, your dad has a girlfriend!” They continued laughing and then left me not realizing the bomb they had thrown my way. I come from a very small town (about 2,000 people—-everybody knows everybody). I can only conclude that my family must have been the talk of the town due to my father’s affairs. As a child, it was very embarrassing realizing that your father was capable of such dishonesty and cruelty not only to his children but especially to our mother. She certainly didn’t deserve being treated and talked about in that way.
I never told a soul about that revelation until about 40 years later. Our father had passed away, and we were at my sister’s house talking about old times. It was then that I decided to reveal what had happened all those years ago while on the playground. My sisters were shocked, but my second sister recounted her first hand account of when my father and mother were arguing. My father raised his had to slap my mother, but my sister quickly got between them to keep him from harming her. To this day, she loathes him. I loved my father, but I did not respect him. He smoked, drank, gambled, and had his lady friends. He was hardly ever home, and when he was, he was never fun to be around. He was always moody and had such contempt for my mother. Maybe it was the guilt of his actions. Who knows.
I don’t know if there was infidelity with my grandparents because I was too young to know them. My mom’s mom died during childbirth and my father’s father I also never knew.
However, my eldest sister’s husband did have affairs. He gave my sister an STD and father a child from one of his affair partners. Divorce was their only option. My second sister’s husband also had an affair which was shocking to me because he was always the jealous type. Always wanted to know who she was talking with on the phone. I guess it’s like what they says that people accuse you of doing something they are themselves wanting to do.
My husband to my knowledge has never cheated. I don’t think he’s the type. His father was very religious so my children and I have a lot to thank my FIL for raising my husband the way he did. Unfortunately, my two sisters were not so lucky. All that sadness and despair for nothing.
I did dodge a bullet while in college. I was dating this guy who must have been thinking of marriage because one day he came to me and said, “I just want you to know that if we ever get married, I am going to cheat on you.” At first I was shocked that he would tell me such a thing. I realized that I was never going to be his one and only, but one of many. I was very inexperienced at the time because my father was very strict with us. I didn’t start dating until I was in college so this revelation about cheating on me was quite upsetting. Now that I’m older, I do have to give my ex credit for knowing himself and revealing what my life would be like in the future. The last time I talked with him over the phone, he started spewing more of his nonsense, and I just hung up on him and never spoke to him ever again. I really did dodge a bullet with him. I’m so glad I listened to my inner voice and quit seeing him. About a year later, I met my husband, and we’ve been married for 42 years. 43 come this December.
I now realize that my ex was a narcissist. He used to say things to put me down, and I never knew why he would do such a thing. If you love someone, why would you do that? Narcissists put others down to make themselves feel more important. He used to talk about him visiting brothels which was a big turn off for me. If I knew then what I know now, I would never have dated him, but I was so inexperienced I had no clue the type of person he really was. Glad I got rid of him.