Angrywife
When my husbands affair was exposed, I asked him to leave. I asked him to tell his family what was going on (bc we had a previous event that was related to this that he explained away that his parents knew about-they thought I was making things up), so I made him go tell them what happened. I confided in 1 friend and no one knew other than that. My family' still doesn't know almost a year later. What I'm frustrated about is, I found some messages about me to my husband from his sister bashing me. Saying he was a good man for stay if with me for as long as he has and anyone else would have left by now. She knew he was only there bc of our child. She said I was jealous, controlling, and treated him like a door mat. Which is simply not true and she wouldn't even have any way of knowing that. We have always kept arguments private. I have always been wary of compromising situations you place your self in, bc my parents divorced bc of adultery. But I've never been jealous and controlling. My husband has always been a passive aggressive who just goes with the flow. It's always been whatever you want to do. This weekend my mother in law made the comment to me that she had made a decision long ago that she wasn't going to be jealous, that she knew if she was, thst she would push her husband to "do something". I politely told her that jealousy had nothing to do with someone doing that, that they were responsible for their own actions. I'm in a family in which they think my husband does no wrong and frankly it gets me upset at him even though he hasn't done anything to provoke that. She and I weren't even talking about thst she just threw it out there. We live very close and this is getting very stressful bc I feel like I have no one in my corner and everyone making excuses for him.
Quote 0 0
surviving
Angrywife - I know this probably won't happen, but it is up to your husband to correct his family.  It is his job to tell them the truth (which he has been lying for the whole time of his affair).  Has he been telling his family about you and that is why they are thinking these things?  They had to get the information somewhere.  Either that, or they are living those accusations so they assume you are too.  What a mess to add to your husband's affairs.  So sorry you have to deal with this.
Quote 0 0
Heidi
Hi Angrywife, it's amazing how affairs show what people really think isn't it? My WH has a very passive aggressive relationship with his family, and after d day I feel they were not supportive of us reconciling. In counselling I've realised the was a pattern that started long before the affair, and that throughout our marriage my WH has put his need to be a 'good guy' in front of his family above my needs. Examples are he invited them to stay with us 2 days after I gave birth, and when I needed to breastfeed I was forced to do it in the hall while they remained in the living room. They also said that my miscarriage could be a 'good thing' and when I went away to try to get some respite after d day, they asked me when my WH was going to get a break (and they knew about the affair.)

I have a lot of resentment that has been festering for months, so when my in laws asked to come and stay, I explained that I couldn't see them and why. I've left the ball in my WH's court to rebuild bridges and to finally show he's putting me first. Sadly so far he's showing little sign of doing this. They have all put their head in the sand, but the way I see it, I'm happy with that. Until they sort it out, it isn't my problem any more. I've said my piece and I no longer feel angry.
Quote 0 0
Angrywife
Surviving- He says he never put me down to his sister, but I don't know where else she would have gotten it. He was upset when we split; and he said acted out and said some things he shouldn't, that he didn't mean. Just so happened it was to his sister. I think that's where she got it bc they never knew of any issues we had; and what she says was definitely exaggerated. I believe she must have run to her mom with that. My husband is trying to explain their behavior is out of love for him, but I only see it as him taking their side. And the thing is, we had been doing so well, and one little comment from his mom sends it all spiraling and now I'm seeing where I stand between all of them. And that's on the outside.

Heidi- It's really sad that spouses can no longer "forsake all others" I moved away from my family and near his and hardly see most of my family anymore. We are closer to his. Well he is I guess.
Quote 0 0