tosharri
Hi...me again.

So now that social media has a strong hold on society, everyone has A LOT more access to everyone else, even when they're not plugged into the 'net'.   Its causing me problems now...and I'm wondering if I need to just ignore them.

I have an instagram page and a facebook profile...we are about 16 months past DD and things seem to be going really well.  We are in a serious relationship for several years but not yet engaged or married, so I'll call him WP...got a job where I live and moved in over the past month, a completely different state.  

I know he has been contacted by at least one of the APs because he told me (never let me see the message though which I was very upset about).  That happened a few months ago.  Today, I was followed by someone on Instagram through a company page in the area he used to work in...I don't know anyone there, so I automatically go to the 'its one of them' thoughts.  

I feel stalked, I feel like my activities are being monitored...I feel they are keeping tabs on him, on US and how we're doing, like a hawk waiting on prey.  

I asked my WP if he knew anyone that worked at the company, and he said no.  When I told him I felt stalked he didn't understand why.  When I explained, his response is 'I'm not doing anything and I'm happy with you'  

I feel like I'm being haunted...Is there anything I can do to stop this?
Female BS Most Recent DDay Mar 2017 (prev marriage Ddays Apr 1995, Apr 2009 and Oct 2014)...can't say I didn't try to stick it out and make it work
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Ginger
I learned that I was being stalked then and have been stalked to this day.  Over 3 years after.  It's disgusting and disturbing. 
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hurting
I know the AP was stalking me. Obviously as I had no idea about her existence till she contacted me. And I thought my social media privacy settings were tight!

My social media presence has all been deleted. I wasn’t much of a fan of it anyway, and my WS has some serious issues with social media and inappropriate behaviour, so no more accounts for either of us (to my knowledge).
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arizons
tosharri wrote:
Hi...me again.

So now that social media has a strong hold on society, everyone has A LOT more access to everyone else, even when they're not plugged into the 'net'.   Its causing me problems now...and I'm wondering if I need to just ignore them.

I have an instagram page and a facebook profile...we are about 16 months past DD and things seem to be going really well.  We are in a serious relationship for several years but not yet engaged or married, so I'll call him WP...got a job where I live and moved in over the past month, a completely different state.  

I know he has been contacted by at least one of the APs because he told me (never let me see the message though which I was very upset about).  That happened a few months ago.  Today, I was followed by someone on Instagram through a company page in the area he used to work in...I don't know anyone there, so I automatically go to the 'its one of them' thoughts.  

I feel stalked, I feel like my activities are being monitored...I feel they are keeping tabs on him, on US and how we're doing, like a hawk waiting on prey.  

I asked my WP if he knew anyone that worked at the company, and he said no.  When I told him I felt stalked he didn't understand why.  When I explained, his response is 'I'm not doing anything and I'm happy with you'  

I feel like I'm being haunted...Is there anything I can do to stop this?

Trust your gut feelings. I had this same feeling and then only to find out my feelings were 100% dead right...What I did it changed my facebook privacy settings.
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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ThrivenotSurvive
I had this happen as well.  If you check out a topic called “annoyed and a bit creeped out” you will see how I realized that the former AP was stalking my Instagram account via a second account she had created for her pet.  

For about 6 months I struggled with whether to make my account private (my Facebook already was) because it pissed me off that I had to make yet another change in my life, because she wouldn’t butt the heck out of mine.  

But another poster pointed out that it seemed to be taking away my ability to just “be” and I realized she was right.  Plus, it was making me think about the AP EVERY time I saw her stupid Instagram account in my Insta Story list... but otherwise I was often able to go days without thinking about her/it.  

I realized that by not changing it to Private, I was allowing her to make herself relevant in a way she hadn’t been for a VERY long time.  

I turned it private and it was VERY freeing! 
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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arizons
I had this happen as well.  If you check out a topic called “annoyed and a bit creeped out” you will see how I realized that the former AP was stalking my Instagram account via a second account she had created for her pet.  

For about 6 months I struggled with whether to make my account private (my Facebook already was) because it pissed me off that I had to make yet another change in my life, because she wouldn’t butt the heck out of mine.  

But another poster pointed out that it seemed to be taking away my ability to just “be” and I realized she was right.  Plus, it was making me think about the AP EVERY time I saw her stupid Instagram account in my Insta Story list... but otherwise I was often able to go days without thinking about her/it.  

I realized that by not changing it to Private, I was allowing her to make herself relevant in a way she hadn’t been for a VERY long time.  

I turned it private and it was VERY freeing! 


 Or you can always try my method that i made a post called "tge facebook mind F.u.c.k"
   Set your facebook to private and every so often make a post or pic of you and your spouse having fun or celebrating an anniversary or holiday!!!
    So now...if the sea hag wants to talk my page.. All see can see is us being happy without her.....
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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ThrivenotSurvive
Oh, arizons, I think I did plenty of that 🙂

I’ve always posted a fair amount.  So it was actually already second nature to post pics of every time my husband and I did something fun.  Since we recently moved across country to live in an area surrounded by ski resorts so we could ski in the morning and then work in the afternoons, I was constantly posting pics on the slopes, in the hot tub, on hikes - you make it.  Then every time we went on a vacation and went to glamorous dinners all dressed up, I’d post them too.  Fun family time sledding and laughing? Yep that was up there too.  

Honestly, the fact that there was a constant stream of interesting posts probably kept her pretty engaged.  

But somewhere along the line I realized that I’d stopped posting primarily for myself or for friends/family to enjoy.  Her attention had become a focus for ME.  I was thinking about what she’d see.  That I was thinking about her at ALL was an insult to me.  She doesn't deserve my attention. 

It was a change in myself I did not like.  I realized that in a weird way I had more of a connection to her than my husband had for a very long time.  I was lucky, he realized pretty quickly that his “feelings” for her were far more about the attention she was giving him, rather than him really being in love with her.   As soon as he and I reconnected it was like she disappeared.  From what I can tell he has hardly given her more than a thought since about 2 months after DD - and even in the days after DD it was more about guilt than missing her.  He was just disgusted when he realized how casually and selfishly he’d used someone who clearly had very little self-respect/self-confidence just to make himself feel better - and was now going to crush them further.

Fortunately he was also smart enough to realize that while that was true, it wasn’t his job to fix that. His job was to fix what he’d broken at home and leave her family and friends to pick up the pieces on her side.  

I did make a point of turning my account private after posting a picture of the amazing anniversary celebration my husband and I shared.  In my Instagram story, I placed a quote that said, “The best revenge is no revenge.  Move on. Find inner peace.  Flourish.”

Under it I stated “A philosophy that has served me well.” Once I could see that she’d viewed both, I turned my and my husband’s accounts private.  It’s my version of a mic drop. 🙂

I guess for me, as long as I was giving her any attention - even negative attention - it still meant she mattered.  They say the opposite of love isn’t hate - it’s indifference.  And that’s what I wanted to show her. I am completely indifferent to her.

In my world she has ceased to matter at all.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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