Keepabuzz Show full post »
Phoenix
Keepabuzz wrote:


I can understand that. My wife also never went above and beyond either, but she never forgot. I always made sure she had a card for every occasion. I didn’t even get a card for my birthday for years. I get them now, but it doesn’t heal the wounds from all those missed birthdays. 

Maybe the kindest thing you can do now is make the remaining time you have together as peaceful as you can for him. I’m not saying give up hope, his heart could still soften.

I get it, but how do I do that? I don't want to stay away but it seems he gets irritated by me very easily. 
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AnywhereButHere
"We are taking him to a Dodgers game he doesn't know all of our friends will be there to."

Apparently, we are regional neighbors.

I don't know where his recovery is and it sounds as if he is still in trauma depression. For my own self, the hardest times were get-togethers with family and friends. In those situations, it is hard, it takes real effort, to not be overcome with memories of such happy gathering times BEFORE the affair crapped all over everything. After one such gathering, my sisters cornered my wife and said, "Something's happened. What's wrong with our brother?" and she gave them a sanitized version of her relationship with her AP - at which one of my sister's said, "Oh my God, you had an emotional affair!" Because of her sanitizing skill, I believe my wife left them with the impression that she and her AP just became too close and had a friendship that became too flirty. Nothing about heavy-flirting with foot fetish photos.

Anyway, your plan is wonderful and loving. But for him, it may be an exhausting evening of him just trying to hold it together.


BH, 5+ Mo EA, DDay 3/8/18
"...regarding all as God after God."
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Phoenix
"We are taking him to a Dodgers game he doesn't know all of our friends will be there to."

Apparently, we are regional neighbors.

I don't know where his recovery is and it sounds as if he is still in trauma depression. For my own self, the hardest times were get-togethers with family and friends. In those situations, it is hard, it takes real effort, to not be overcome with memories of such happy gathering times BEFORE the affair crapped all over everything. After one such gathering, my sisters cornered my wife and, "Something's happened. What's wrong with our brother?" and she gave them a sanitized version of her relationship with her AP - at which one of my sister's said, "Oh my God, you had an emotional affair!" Because of her sanitizing skill, I believe my wife left them with the impression that she and her AP just became too close and had a friendship that became too flirty. Nothing about heavy-flirting with foot fetish photos.

Anyway, your plan is wonderful and loving. But for him, it may be an exhausting evening of him just trying to hold it together.




We are 22 months after Dday. I thought it was longer. I miss calculated last time I mentioned it. 
going to the dodger game is not a surprise and he is actually excited to spend time with our kids. We haven’t been able to go to a game the whole season. Not sure how our friends being there will affect him. I hope it’s a nice surprise. He enjoys spending time with our friends. Hopefully it will take his mind off of the way he feels daily.
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triplehooks
"For my own self, the hardest times were get-togethers with family and friends. In those situations, it is hard, it takes real effort, to not be overcome with memories of such happy gathering times BEFORE the affair crapped all over everything. 


ABSOLUTELY THIS^^^

For well over a year this was true.  Scratch that — at 16 months it’s still absolutely true.  I was a very social and outgoing guy and have become quite a recluse.  Can’t stand being around her rug-sweeping family, our take no sides friends, our friends that don’t know — ESPECIALLY as a family.  It’s just not the same and everything has this gray/somber feeling of a) this will be the last time we do all this together or b) it was way more enjoyable to be with these people BEFORE that happened and MAN why can’t our family be like theirs’?  The husbands and wives clearly care for one another, have no “WALLS” between them....we USED to be like that, but, then she brought that A$$HOLE into my space and, maybe I’ll just go up to the room and read....
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Keepabuzz
triplehooks wrote:


ABSOLUTELY THIS^^^

For well over a year this was true.  Scratch that — at 16 months it’s still absolutely true.  I was a very social and outgoing guy and have become quite a recluse.  Can’t stand being around her rug-sweeping family, our take no sides friends, our friends that don’t know — ESPECIALLY as a family.  It’s just not the same and everything has this gray/somber feeling of a) this will be the last time we do all this together or b) it was way more enjoyable to be with these people BEFORE that happened and MAN why can’t our family be like theirs’?  The husbands and wives clearly care for one another, have no “WALLS” between them....we USED to be like that, but, then she brought that A$$HOLE into my space and, maybe I’ll just go up to the room and read....


I feel the same way...
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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