Lookingahead
Has anyone done this and if so, what was your experience? Last week was very difficult for me. I'm feeling like I'm all over the board emotionally and am wondering if I could benefit from this. I know for sure I have PTSD and while some days are better than others last week really hit hard. 
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Jennifer
AH Coach Sharon is EMDR trained and she may be able to provide you with more information about this approach. It can be helpful for those struggling in the aftermath of an affair.
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Lookingahead
Jennifer wrote:
AH Coach Sharon is EMDR trained and she may be able to provide you with more information about this approach. It can be helpful for those struggling in the aftermath of an affair.


Any info on this would be appreciated. 
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Sharon
Hi Lookingahead.  I have utilized EMDR with quite a few BS's, in order to process the trauma of a partner's affair.  It can be very helpful in the brain, because it targets the negative beliefs a person begins to carry around, whenever something turns their world upside down.  Trauma gets "stuck" in the brain, because it is not processed in the same way an average memory is.  It sits there and triggers all the same stress chemicals into the brain, every time something even remotely reminds the person of the trauma.  And there is not much a person can do to make that stop happening.  EMDR uses Bilateral Stimulation in the brain, to help the brain make connections about reality, which then helps a person heal.  For instance, a common negative belief BS's carry around is "I am not enough,"  or "I am not good enough."  Through EMDR processing, the person's brain comes in and corrects that belief.  The end result ideally will be the brain instead believing, "I am MORE THAN enough," or "It wasn't something in me; but something in my spouse."  Through the bilateral stimulation, the brain makes more sense of the thing that happened.  And once that is established, moving forward can become much more accessible.    

I would encourage you to at least give it a shot.  but make sure you find a good EMDR practitioner.  One who was trained through EMDRIA.org is your best bet.  On that website, they have a link to "Find a Therapist,"  so you can enter your location and see a list of people near you. 
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Lookingahead
Thank you so much for your response! The more time that passes the more I feel I need some additional help. We are doing so well, yet I find myself grieving very deeply at times. I've increased medication and it just doesn't seem to be enough. 
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mcass
I did EMDR for something different, and if you are willing to work on yourself, because that is what it is. Taking an event  and the effect it has on you, and allowing your brain to process it in a different way. You will find not only the affair will come up. Things from your past that have you holding on to certain things or thT prevent you from moving forward will arise. And some of them are deep memories that are hard. But it does start to make sense, and it saved my life, 
now I am the victim of a husband cheating with my friend. It is three years now of lies and denials. This summer I intend to go back to EMDR and work through this. I need the understanding and then the courage to walk away from 27 years of? I don't even know what to call it any more. You must be 6 months past the event, for the EMDR to work. DBT therapy or Mindfulness therapy can help as well. 
I hope you can get some help, I know the pain. Right now I sit here with  the crushing emotions of hope and then another piece of evidence flies out. And the pattern starts over. Denials, fighting, I am tired. Worn down, and ready to get back to therapy and win this inward battle. Good Luck to you. 
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TheFarmGirl
mcass wrote:
I did EMDR for something different, and if you are willing to work on yourself, because that is what it is. Taking an event  and the effect it has on you, and allowing your brain to process it in a different way. You will find not only the affair will come up. Things from your past that have you holding on to certain things or thT prevent you from moving forward will arise. And some of them are deep memories that are hard. But it does start to make sense, and it saved my life, 
now I am the victim of a husband cheating with my friend. It is three years now of lies and denials. This summer I intend to go back to EMDR and work through this. I need the understanding and then the courage to walk away from 27 years of? I don't even know what to call it any more. You must be 6 months past the event, for the EMDR to work. DBT therapy or Mindfulness therapy can help as well. 
I hope you can get some help, I know the pain. Right now I sit here with  the crushing emotions of hope and then another piece of evidence flies out. And the pattern starts over. Denials, fighting, I am tired. Worn down, and ready to get back to therapy and win this inward battle. Good Luck to you. 


...I realize this is a very old post, but I have been considering emdr (3 mo out for me), and I'm curious if anyone knows why it may only work after 6 months?  Wouldn't it be easier to get the brain back on the right track before the trauma becomes even more of a habit? Or is it that the brain needs to be more inclined to rational thinking and that's why it can work?  

Any responses, professional or experiential would be much appreciated. 
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notemanj
I have done EMDR for my WH’s affair. It has proven extremely helpful! I keep asking her if she has a magic wand up her sleeve. 

It doesnt take take away the memories. It has just helped me to handle them better. I am able to be much more calm when (and if) I can get my WH to talk about the affair. 

It definitely brought up all up all kinds of other things that I need to deal with. I score 8 on the ACE test (Adverse Childhood Experiences), so there is a lot for a therapist to deal with. 

My magician therapist also mentioned binaural beats. You can find them on YouTube to no end. I listened to the beats one afternoon while I specifically thought about every fact that I had that was eating away at my brain. Again, the memory is still there. And it still hurts. But it is manageable. 

I would definitely recommend EMDR. And until you can find a qualified therapist willing to do it, grab a good set of headphones and listen to binaural beats. 

I hope this this helps everyone out there suffering. 
Wishing everyone here peace and healing!

Female BS Married 18 yrs
DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting. 
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TheFarmGirl
notemanj wrote:
I have done EMDR for my WH’s affair. It has proven extremely helpful! I keep asking her if she has a magic wand up her sleeve. 

It doesnt take take away the memories. It has just helped me to handle them better. I am able to be much more calm when (and if) I can get my WH to talk about the affair. 

It definitely brought up all up all kinds of other things that I need to deal with. I score 8 on the ACE test (Adverse Childhood Experiences), so there is a lot for a therapist to deal with. 

My magician therapist also mentioned binaural beats. You can find them on YouTube to no end. I listened to the beats one afternoon while I specifically thought about every fact that I had that was eating away at my brain. Again, the memory is still there. And it still hurts. But it is manageable. 

I would definitely recommend EMDR. And until you can find a qualified therapist willing to do it, grab a good set of headphones and listen to binaural beats. 

I hope this this helps everyone out there suffering. 


what amazing timing... I had just been reading about the bilateral music the day before you posted this and it is truly magic. I've been trying to spend a little time every day since using it. It really seems to help me put away the negative memories before they take over my emotions.  

The betrayal will always be there, but I am so thankful for anything that can help keep it from being the forefront of my thoughts. 
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