Please read Anthro and TripleHooks words above. They make excellent, important points. Two other points I'd like to add. Like Anthro, I can make no assertions about your WW's personality and potentially disordered thinking/feeling. However, based on what you have shared here EXCLUSIVELY - it is very suspect. Her actions, wording and timing combine to look (from the outside looking in) like someone who might very well be clinical. Please note - I am not saying she is. But I am saying that what you have shared makes me VERY worried for you - and skeptical of her ability to meaningfully change any time soon (if ever). I hope I am wrong. But if you look through my posts you will find that I almost always err on the side of believing in change and redemption. But there are a number of warning flags in her behavior that are making me far less positive in this case. Secondly, it is not just HER that is worrying me. You do too. You seem to lack a "normal" (for lack of a better word) amount of anger. I spend the vast majority of my time asking people to let go of their anger when it is no longer serving them and beginning to impact their ability to enjoy life. However, I find myself wishing you can generate a bit more anger. Anger in the right circumstances can be very beneficial and give us the impetus to make necessary changes. Her actions have been, frankly, outrageous. Downright cruel. Dishonest. Manipulative. Ongoing in the face of your pain. And yet, you seem unable to muster much self-righteous anger on your own behalf. I am not sure that is entirely healthy. I have hesitated to say this because I think kindness and compassion are virtues that are beautiful and that we need more of it in this world - and you exemplify both. You are obviously such a GOOD person. But being good and kind do NOT exclude healthy boundaries. Which you seem to really, really struggle with. Do you find yourself regularly in the caretaker and fixer role for other broken people? Maybe in past relationships or even in childhood? If this was a role you developed early in life, you may not even realize how outrageous her behavior really is... that even among WSs she stands out as unusually manipulative. I say this because you remind me of several people I have known who had childhoods that caused them to take on caretaker roles early. This resulted in them often not really realizing when unhealthy people were using them in ways that were REALLY harmful. They internalized at a very young age that their needs were not as important as others. And it makes them easy prey for broken/toxic people who have not learned healthy ways to love (the people Anthro was talking about) I hope that you see the true concern behind my words. I do NOT want to hurt your feelings and imply that this is your fault (it is NOT) or that you are not an amazing person - you clearly are. But I want to see you protect yourself better. To demand what you deserve and hold fast to it. And I have been a bit shocked at the lack of anger in situations that CALL FOR IT AS A MEANS OF SELF-PRESERVATION.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl