Hopeandhurt Show full post »
Hopeandhurt
Dealing with depression daily.  I've tried talking to him twice more and he shuts me down, claims he did nothing and is being falsely accused.  I see him looking at me, with such anger and hatred. At times I am very afraid. I really think the only reason we are still together is because he can have sex and he doesn't want me walking away with 1/2 of everything. Yes, he's wearing his wedding ring, he tries to help me with things around the house, but I can tell this behavior is really not in his DNA.  I think he resents and hates me, thinks he could have done better with his life.  He made remarks about my not being 'bikini ready' again.  He insults me in front of the kids (adults).  He is retired now and resisting all efforts to get him involved in any activities. He watches, literally, every cent spent. He resents me when I engage in my activities without him.  I'm sure he is still looking at porn. I caught him spying on my pc and he denied it.  I caught him doing it!!  He admitted to tapping the landline phone and listening to my conversations. He has spied on my fb page. I'm fairly sure he has found that I am posting here.  I asked him to stop spying.  I told him I am doing nothing wrong.  I feel like a prisoner.  He has to know where I am all the time and who I am talking to and what is being said.  But he won't tell me the truth about his affair. I wouldn't be surprised if he left.  At times I think it would be a relief.  I wish I didn't love him.  I've spent over 1/2 my life with this man and gave him my heart and soul.  The betrayal is painful beyond belief. I am trying to go forward but the past keeps dragging me back. 
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UrbanExplorer
Oh, my goodness! I am still hung up on the bikini ready comment, which is disgusting. Are you in therapy? You are describing some psychologically abusive behavior. You deserve a more peaceful and respectful home.
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