flipperfive
My WS left last May to be with his AP and took with him a rewritten history that in his mind was negative and very different to the largely positive history I saw.  Fast forward almost a year of our maintaining a respectful co-parenting relationship and he and his AP have now gone their separate ways.  We get on well (although I feel we always have apart from a rocky 5 or 6 months around D day) and yesterday enjoyed a lovely day out as a family just like old times.  I almost felt like I had my husband back.  
Once the AP is no longer around and reality sets in does the WH tend to keep their rewritten history or do they finally see the history they rewrote was a way of justifying their actions and more a reflection on their emotional state of mind and feelings leading up to and at the time of the affair than the actual fact of reality?   
I guess at the end of the day the answer is probably irrelevant when a couple are no longer together but I guess I am forever hopeful that my WS will choose to fulfill the lifelong commitment to our marriage he made on our wedding day.  I have always believed and still maintain our marriage is God planned and all we have and are going through will be used for His purpose in some way. 
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TimT
flipperfive wrote:
...Once the AP is no longer around and reality sets in does the WH tend to keep their rewritten history or do they finally see the history they rewrote was a way of justifying their actions and more a reflection on their emotional state of mind and feelings leading up to and at the time of the affair than the actual fact of reality?...
It can go either way, but I think the direction is determined by how open & vulnerable the unfaithful spouse is willing to be. This can sometimes take a long time, even years, for some until they begin to have more honest considerations about what really happened and their responsibilities for the damage that was caused. That's when a new kind of healing can begin, even if the marriage already ended.

But some never get to that point. They have constructed an explanation that minimizes their responsibility and avoids shame. That explanation serves them well enough, so why mess with it? Of course, they give up their chance for significant change, too.

Let me just add that the unfaithful spouse isn't the only one who rewrites history. Both partners often reinforce their versions of the marital experience (the unfaithful spouse seeing it as worse than it was, the betrayed spouse minimizing the real problems that existed). The more honest both can be, the better their relationship renewal will be as well.
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