Phoenix
This drives me nuts. I am the one now looking through his phone and finding out he is still lying to me and not being able to speak up about it because My affair happened 14 years before he started lying to me. I have to take his comments about our younger daughter not being his when my affair ended 1 year before I got pregnant. He has made up his mind and is staying but made it very clear he is not staying to reconcile because I still have not given him what he needs, but he is perfectly comfortable with me cooking, washing, having sex with him. I am the one who wants to speak about the affair and reconciliation but he will shoot It down because I am not saying what he believes to be true. He acts and treats me like we are a happily married couple but will not speak about the elephant in the room. This does not feel right. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I’m in an episode of the twilight zone. I am. It trying to be sarcastic or make fun of my situation. this is very isolating. With the Corona virus it’s become more surreal. 
Quote 0 0
Keepabuzz
If he treats you and acts like you’re a happily married couple, what more do you want? I think the paternity concern is valid. You may be certain she is his, but after your betrayal and over a decade of deceit, I don’t blame him one bit for doubting you “word” on that either. That a pretty easy one to fix, get a DNA test done. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 4 0
Phoenix

Keepabuzz wrote:
If he treats you and acts like you’re a happily married couple, what more do you want? I think the paternity concern is valid. You may be certain she is his, but after your betrayal and over a decade of deceit, I don’t blame him one bit for doubting you “word” on that either. That a pretty easy one to fix, get a DNA test done. 

you’re right it is pretty easy to fix. I understand that he does not want to hurt our daughter by doing a dna test. She has been begging for a 23 and me test. He has been stalling. She me asking him to do it give him an indication that she is his. It would be the easiest thing to do what my daughter is asking my daughter is asking for. I feel this would help him feel more sure of why he is still here. 

Quote 1 0
Keepabuzz
wrote:

you’re right it is pretty easy to fix. I understand that he does not want to hurt our daughter by doing a dna test. She has been begging for a 23 and me test. He has been stalling. She me asking him to do it give him an indication that she is his. It would be the easiest thing to do what my daughter is asking my daughter is asking for. I feel this would help him feel more sure of why he is still here. 

 

you could do a dna test without her knowledge. She would never need to know the results. If it were me, I would 100% do a dna test. It wouldn’t change how I felt about my daughter in in way shape or form, since I raised her, but it would either prove that you are being truthful about the paternity, or it would prove that you’re still lying, and that would guide me to leave.  
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 1 0
stillme
wrote:

you’re right it is pretty easy to fix. I understand that he does not want to hurt our daughter by doing a dna test. She has been begging for a 23 and me test. He has been stalling. She me asking him to do it give him an indication that she is his. It would be the easiest thing to do what my daughter is asking my daughter is asking for. I feel this would help him feel more sure of why he is still here. 

 



I think it makes sense to do the DNA test first. If he really thinks your daughter may not be his, it is probably frightening that she will find out in that way. He may want to prepare himself. You know the truth, but he doesn't. Unfortunately, your word alone is not good enough anymore and he is needing proof beyond simply what you say. I think it makes sense to deal with his legitimate fears about the paternity of his daughter. That would go a long way to rebuilding trust. 
Quote 1 0