Alan - no, I haven't said "I love you" to my WH. I haven't even liked him in years. I was treated as a slave for 34+ years. The only time he came near me physically was when he couldn't get it elsewhere. When you are treated that way for so long, you begin to dislike them and who they are and what they stand for. I have told my WH that I don't even like him. He continues to say that I love him even if I don't say it because of all the things I do around the house and with the kids. However, that is what the "slave" did for 34+ years. So, do I love him, no. Do I like him, not a chance. Are we separated, I wish. We are in-house separated because we have no money to do anything else. We should never have gotten married. He said he married me because he thought his illicit sex would stop when he got legitimate sex. But, that didn't happen. Sorry I went off tangent, but you need to know why I don't say it - it is because I don't!
I appreciate your honesty, surviving. You're still in a marriage because you feel "stuck" in it, not because you want to actually be in it anymore. If you're not working toward connection and healing, then you certainly don't need to lie!
For those of you who are working toward healing in your marriage, then saying "I love you" is not something you need to rush back to. If fact, if you feel a lot of internal resistance, you need to give it more time. But there will eventually be a right time to start expressing love to each other even though you may not be in the full experience of an emotional bond. If you're working toward it, and you trust your spouse is doing the same, I think saying it before you feel all the emotion of it can actually be a good thing. Our actions become an expression of what we are moving toward: WE BEGIN TO PRACTICE WHO WE ARE BECOMING (which is much different than simply pretending, by the way).