I see validity in everything everyone has written. It is likely that some of his attention is motivated by a desire to make you aware that you aren't the only woman he;s attracted to - a desire to cause a bit of jealousy. He may not even be conscious of it, but betrayal makes you feel so invalidated, so... "less than" that it is hard not to use every tool at your disposal (including subtle manipulation) to "SHOW" you spouse your value - and regain some level of power within the relationship. It feels (even if it isn't exactly true) that your partner has shown you that your value to them is LOW, and you in turn by staying, have shown them that their value to you is HIGH. This power balance is one, among many, things that cause BSs so much fear in the post DD days.
This doesn't make this a healthy reaction - just a fairly normal one. If you two were further down this path I would DEFINITELY say that you should address it, respectfully and tactfully, with all that you have read here in mind . Mainly because if you are to rebuild your marriage, you don't want to rebuild an unhealthy version but one that is BETTER and more loving and honest than the one before. if you become more emotionally healthy - just as he decides to play by your old emotionally unhealthy playbook - you've not become better. You've only traded places. BUT, and this is a big but, the timing is rather critical here. He JUST extended an olive branch and that is likely INCREASING his feelings of insecurity. While this may be a very crappy way of dealing with it, it could very well be an attempt (psychologically and very subconsciously) to put a little distance between to ease his fear. Because of that, I'd tread very, very carefully. If this behavior continues long term, you will definitely need to address it. But as I said, I worry that now is too sensitive of a time. Remember that the discomfort you are feeling right now is one he's had to live with for a long time (the uncertainty of wondering about his intentions/boundaries) and one that he will continue having for a long time until his trust is SLOWLY rebuilt. There may be a part of him (again, subconsciously) that wants you to experience that. Not sure what the answer is, but I would tread carefully.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl