Blessedby7 Show full post »
Blessedby7
Keepabuzz wrote:


Have you talked to a lawyer? You really need to know your options. Then take the best one out. 


No, I haven't. Unfortunately that will have to wait until tax time.  
Female BS
Dday 10/12/2018

Renewing myself one day at a time. 
Quote 0 0
Keepabuzz

Blessedby7 wrote:


No, I haven't. Unfortunately that will have to wait until tax time.  

Do that as soon as possible. 

Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 0 0
ThrivenotSurvive
Blessedby7 wrote:


The group is the same disaster response group he deployed with when this whole sh*show began. Her and her husband have always been part of it. There's 2k members, as far as I have been able to tell there has been no *direct* contact. According to her father, who contacted me, her husband does know, but this makes me wonder. I can't imagine how he could be okay with it. 


Is it just me or does something seem "off" about a Facebook Group with 2000 men AND women that are sharing dumb memes of women's boobs bouncing?  Doesn't this seem more in line with 12 year olds rather than a professional group dedicated to disaster relief?  And what kind of inappropriate photos is your husband uploading?  Does he really need to get approval from other men that badly?  if so, that would be something to be addressed in therapy - low self-esteem and a need to bond with other men through objectifying women.  Immature and sad in a man his age.

And why the hell was HER father reaching out to you?  I find that really weird.  
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
Quote 0 0
Blessedby7


Is it just me or does something seem "off" about a Facebook Group with 2000 men AND women that are sharing dumb memes of women's boobs bouncing?  Doesn't this seem more in line with 12 year olds rather than a professional group dedicated to disaster relief?  And what kind of inappropriate photos is your husband uploading?  Does he really need to get approval from other men that badly?  if so, that would be something to be addressed in therapy - low self-esteem and a need to bond with other men through objectifying women.  Immature and sad in a man his age.

And why the hell was HER father reaching out to you?  I find that really weird.  


Well, to clarify, the group is the "social" group for the main group, the chat group, if you will. But yeah, I completely agree. The one meme was a woman with big boobs seasoning something while her boobs are bouncing, and his comment was "I like spices". Yeah, retch, barf. 🤬

Her father actually reached out to me when all of this first came out. He wanted me to tell him where my husband was, so that he could confront him. 🙄  He was going to blast it on facebook and everywhere, and I asked him, for the sake of my kids and I, to please not do it. After that, he reached out once or twice to see how I was doing. He's a preacher, so maybe he thought he was doing the nice thing? Or maybe he was fishing for info, I don't know. I was pretty honest every time, and I also made it clearly known I had everything recorded and would not hesitate to send it to her husband shoud she not keep her distance. 
Female BS
Dday 10/12/2018

Renewing myself one day at a time. 
Quote 0 0
Keepabuzz
Blessedby7,

Why do you accept him being a part of this online group? For me that would be a hard boundary. One of many. But that one in particular where his AP is? If that was my wife, she would be gone for the group forever, or gone from me forever. There wasn’t one of my boundaries that were negotiable. She either respected them and complied, or she knew where the door was. That stands true today, for than 4 years later.  Make your boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let him walk over you anymore. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 0 0
Blessedby7
Keepabuzz wrote:
Blessedby7,

Why do you accept him being a part of this online group? For me that would be a hard boundary. One of many. But that one in particular where his AP is? If that was my wife, she would be gone for the group forever, or gone from me forever. There wasn’t one of my boundaries that were negotiable. She either respected them and complied, or she knew where the door was. That stands true today, for than 4 years later.  Make your boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let him walk over you anymore. 


I didn't know about this particular group. I knew and allowed that he was still a part of the deployment group, but he knew I was absolutely not okay with get togethers by the group (holidays) or deployments where there was any chance she would be.  The last time this was discussed he actually alluded to thinking she had stepped away. Yeah, guess I was wrong. 

I dug out two old phones, and found a few messages to different women. One he called her a "sexy mama", another he told her she had nice legs, and another one he told her she was "smokin hot".  I've been up  all night with him in the er, so I'm emotional, but I went from willing to see an affair specialist to wondering what would be the point. I've got evidence after evidence of him coming on to other women, I just don't see that stopping overnight. There's just so much to think about now, and I'm so very tired. 
Female BS
Dday 10/12/2018

Renewing myself one day at a time. 
Quote 0 0
Keepabuzz
Document, document, document. Borrow money if you have to from family, so there is no record, and get an attorney. You need to put yourself in the best possible position to move forward and get you the best possible financial outcome. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 0 0
Blessedby7
Keepabuzz wrote:
Document, document, document. Borrow money if you have to from family, so there is no record, and get an attorney. You need to put yourself in the best possible position to move forward and get you the best possible financial outcome. 


My dad is the only family I have, but I'm going to talk to him. He usually sends me Christmas money, so I may use my share for the attorney. Merry Christmas to me. 😏All my friends have pretty much left. I'm documenting everything, but there are so many nuances to this, it's going to be very difficult. 
Female BS
Dday 10/12/2018

Renewing myself one day at a time. 
Quote 0 0
Keepabuzz
Blessedby7 wrote:


My dad is the only family I have, but I'm going to talk to him. He usually sends me Christmas money, so I may use my share for the attorney. Merry Christmas to me. 😏All my friends have pretty much left. I'm documenting everything, but there are so many nuances to this, it's going to be very difficult. 


Do that, get the mo he from your dad. Then get an attorney and let him/her guide as to what to document and how to best position yourself. I know this sucks, and it’s so unfair, but you have got to do everything you can to protect yourself. As difficult as it is, you will thank yourself later. Don’t let him cheat and betray you, AND THEN screw you over in the divorce. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 0 0
Blessedby7
Keepabuzz wrote:


Do that, get the mo he from your dad. Then get an attorney and let him/her guide as to what to document and how to best position yourself. I know this sucks, and it’s so unfair, but you have got to do everything you can to protect yourself. As difficult as it is, you will thank yourself later. Don’t let him cheat and betray you, AND THEN screw you over in the divorce. 


I'm feeling like the fool that I am, I should have ran in the beginning, then I wouldn't have a newborn to worry about and would be able to work. Then again, no matter how bad it is, I can't even begin to wish she weren't here, and she most likely wouldn't be here if not for affair and hysterical bonding, or if I had left at Dday. Heck, if I had left back when I suspected the first affair I wouldn't have my last THREE kids! Oh how I wish I could find evidence of what he did during that time period. I always suspected an affair, but he swore against it, and I believed him. Now seeing what I've seen I'm wondering just how many there have been. God I've been so naive and foolish. 
Female BS
Dday 10/12/2018

Renewing myself one day at a time. 
Quote 0 0
Keepabuzz
You are not a fool. You trusted your husband. Just like I trusted my wife, and we both got burned. I know exactly how you feel though. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 1 0
hurting
You’re not a fool. He is. I too trusted my WS. What kind of life would one be living if they did not trust their spouse? The issue is with the cheater. That they cannot address their issues and cannot honour their vows, lie to your face and live in deception and darkness again and again is NOT your fault. 
Quote 1 0