awaggoner1999

Morning,

So I met with an attorney at the beginning of the year and shared what I learned from the attorney with my WS (we have been separated nearly 9 months). After the discussion, we made an agreement to do the most economical and swiftest process. We agreed to an uncontested divorce, where we hash out the details and the process should be done in a little over 90 days. At present, I have waited over a month for him to return the paperwork required to move forward.

My concern is that as he has reviewed the paperwork, he realizes that some of his activities will be revealed. Stuff he may not have wanted me to find out…  Such as he has bought a new car and he has more than one CC that we never shared, or that he has financial resources that I was completely in the dark about, and so on…He may have some concern that other parts of his life will be revealed – given he hasn’t been very forthcoming with anything else. My WS is determined to keep the truth to himself, despite, what I already discovered. Sorry, I digress.

I hate to nag him and I really don’t want the process to become hostile or contested – as the cost of the divorce increases significantly and it obviously will take more time. So I pose a couple of questions:

  1. Why is he dragging his heels on the divorce as he has previously stated that he wished to be divorced?
  2. Should I just accept that since he has not been a very honesty or trustworthy individual that his agreement for an uncontested divorce was just another lie and I should just proceed down the path of greatest resistance ( the more costly and contentious process)?

Thank you for taking time to read and answer.

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TimT
It's impossible to say without knowing the mind of your husband and that, of course, is why you are stuck. I've seen unfaithful spouses stall in a divorce for many reasons: they resist giving up the marriage safety net, they do not want to disclose information, they don't want to take responsibility for ending the marriage (I know that doesn't make sense, but it happens), they have more doubt than they admit, moving forward in divorce will cause some immediate expenses they want to hold off on, the outcome of the settlement will require difficult personal adjustments that they want to keep putting off, outside pressure not to do it, guilt, etc.

There are probably some great resources that spell out the advantages to cooperating and the clear consequences for not. Make sure he reads them. 

And there is choice between uncontested and fully contested (war) divorces: mediation. Depending on where you live, there are some strong mediation programs that offer an alternative to contested divorces. (You can Google "divorce mediation YourCity" to find options.) Depending on how much is at stake and the likelihood that both of you are genuinely interested in coming to a joint decision, this might be an option.
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