Heartbroken2015

Did anyone decide on Divorce with small child(ren) and it actually turn out to be Happily Ever After?

My WH wants to reconcile, I feel that continuing with the marriage will lead to a life of distrust and jealousy from me, which neither I want to be - I never was before.  I want our home filled with Love & Happiness not me always asking him where he was or with whom and having so much pain from triggers.   

He says Divorce would be worse, that in time I would trust him and not have as many triggers of the affair.  He also believes that it won't be 3-5yrs (I told him it could be several years) of distrust that it would come sooner and just be a short time...I don't know how or why he thinks this?  He brought up our son yesterday when I said I didn't feel as connected to him now and think the marriage isn't worth saving.  He said what kind of life would that be for our son to have us hate each other and live separate if we could stay together with a chance to be happy.  He says that he read several cases of couples staying together and living happily ever after...as I told him every reconcile story I read says it's years of work, pain, triggers, distrust...I don't know if I have the strength to make it.

I'm curious are there any divorce living happily ever after...did you realize later that yes you did make the right choice and it was better for EVERYONE..including you, the WS and child(ren) to divorce?

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Searching4
Heartbroken,
I replied to your other thread about reconciling and trusting in those changes. I want to add one thing and that is whether you reconcile successfully or choose to move on apart, it will still take a very long time for trust to return.

I have read that complete or blind trust is never a good idea anyway. Life isn't like a Disney romance although I used to believe it could be. Through all of this I have learned that we are all flawed and that we are all capable of breaking trust. To never trust anyone again would be sad, but I am very wary and will do my best to protect myself and my family by trusting only when that trust is earned. To trust blindly again would be foolish.

I consider that our recovery is successful but ongoing. This journey will last a lifetime and it isn't for the weak or faint-hearted. It will take a very long time, if ever, for me to really trust again. After all, he has shown me what he is capable of.
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Heartbroken2015

Thank you Searching4 for answering here and other threads, this forum has been so helpful!  

I just feel there are no guarantees and I know life has no guarantees but am I just setting myself up (& my poor son) for failure again?  When should I know it's just time to walk away.  I know I love him but I don't know if I can be fully in love with him knowing what he did to me.  I want the Disney Romance and thought I had it.  I don't know if I ever did or all those years were lies [frown] 

Do I want to struggle the next 5, 10 or 15yrs to rebuild a marriage that will never be happy & healthy again?  I know my son is only 5 now, so I know I wouldn't be strong enough again to pull him from the situation.  I know I'd stay until he was out of school..he's in K..that's 12-16yrs!!!  

How do I know if I'd be happier just moving on or chance it and try for a happy life together?  Am I strong enough?  I don't know?  I want to be strong enough for my son but don't want him to see a loveless marriage between his parents either...

 

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