billb3 Show full post »
Thanks Urban, nor am I a religious person. Quite the opposite ( Hawkins, Hitchens, etc.). If one ever wanted to suspend disbelief in order to move forward, now would be the time. I cannot imagine feeling worse.

Thanks again,
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Because my affair was with someone who has a child at the same Catholic school as mine, most of the people who know about it are from that parish. I have fielded some terrible messages from people who are supposed to be compassionate religious folks (people who are not even involved in the situation but heard about it from ex-AP's wife or as gossip), and it amazes me that they feel this kind of treatment is justified. I was not religious to begin with, but I am more jaded than ever by people shaming and damning others to hell. I made a mistake, I caused pain and am in pain. However, I have never done or said anything intentionally cruel. I would like to think if I heard something like this about someone I knew, I would stay out of it and/or try empathy.
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UrbanExplorer wrote:
I was not religious to begin with, but I am more jaded than ever by people shaming and damning others to hell.

I hate when Christians do this.  I am a believer.  I have leaned on God and prayer more during this time.  I have come closer to God through my prayer.  Christians are not supposed to judge your salvation.  Now they can disagree with the sin but they should not condemn you.  I don't know why God allowed this to happen to my wife and I but I believe there is a purpose.  Maybe it was for me to come closer to him.  But my wife seems to have moved away from him.  I wish I knew the right words to say to make you believe that not all Christians are like these people.  Do not let a few push you away from something that can be a great part of your life.  Don't want to preach but if I did not believe I don't know what I would have done.
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This same thing happened to me. If they were really Christian, they would understand that no sin is any better or worse in God's eyes, and that we are all sinners. The key is whether or not the person has repented and shows true remorse and changes and moves away from the sin. If a WS is doing this, there should be grace and mercy shown towards them. Sadly, some Christians do act so self-righteous they think they can shame sinners.
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Being A Christian can be problematic - as we all stumble, maybe a different way of viewing it is developing and having a relationship with God. A person actively seeking a personal relationship will exhibit the qualities that exemplify God...unfortunately, some forget that God is love...and confuse who has the right to be a BS, we can have and rightly so, righteous anger.
Some people forget the love part...sorry Urbanexplorer that you had that experience...
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Well Folks,

Three months after DDay. I can say firstly, if you are thinking about having an affair, don't do it! Tackle your marital problems head on and stop putting your head in the sand. The love the creates relationships requires work and dedication throughout the lifetime of the relationship. Honesty with yourself and to your spouse is the only way to succeed. If you are not dedicated to the evergoing process of a real relationship, it will wither, like any other living organism on the planet, and fade away.

This is a wonderful resource for those who choose to work together to make their marital vows work and come true.

For my situation, my BS has chosen only divorce ( with two wonderful boys) as the only option. She hates me, fullstop. I can only hope to salvage some means to move forward to make a contribution to helping others address the reality of what it takes to make a relationship work, and help my children take this as an experience to learn from, rather than to react.

I will continue to revisit this great resource to help calibrate me to continue forward. All the best to those to have chosen and succeed in the rebirth of their relationship.

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I believe in God(s - angels included) but I don't follow the church. You know what? Neither did Jesus. When it comes around to judgements laid on me from supposed "religious people" (and that has reared it's ugly head again in the last while) I just remember what jesus asked the crowd codemning the harlot.

Jesus wrote:
let him who is without sin cast the first stone

If there's one thing I've learned in my years of judgers (and I happen to be one of the worst) is that when you judge others, your faults have this really untimely way of coming front and center. 
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I agree Kal... before one starts pointing out the plank in his brother's eye, he needs to pay attention to the one in his own eye...

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God is about redemption, forgiveness, grace and love.
Anyone calling them selves Christians should not only know this but practice it on a daily bases.
I am truly sorry you all have experienced such hypocritical behavior.
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I know this is an old thread, but I couldn't not comment.

I'm also not one to beat down the doors to the church, but I believe in God, and Angels. I wouldn't have made it this far without them. But it's hard to see WS's , not just here but other areas as well talk about how "one sin is as bad as any other, all sin is equal". Well not in my book, it really seems to me to be a complete cop out. Does anyone actually think that if I get mad and say something mean to you, is as bad as adultery? That is the craziest thing I have ever heard. God may see it one way, we mortals see it differently, at least I do. IMO, that just a way to make yourself feel better.
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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I don't want to get into a religious war as all religions are different. But I am a practising Roman Catholic and we are taught that there is a Venial sin and there is a Mortal sin. And in our religion infidelity is a Mortal sin. Which is the worst sin to commit with dire consequences (unless you are truly sorrow for your actions and try to make amends).
So yes I agree with you and believe there are different levels of sin.
I agree saying something to hurt someone can not compare to the excruciating pain a BS endures through their WS's infidelity.

It is just not comparable!
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