I agree with you. Wow, I re-read what I wrote and left something out and did not make sense on the last paragraph. The last paragraph is to say:
The deacons and leadership told my wife that she needs get help for herself, to go back and work on her marriage, and really come to an understanding of she did was wrong. She felt that because she has been looking for a divorce since my affair, having a romantic relationship with someone was accepted. But they told her that her behaviors and his behaviors were inappropriate for married man. In addition, they said that the texts provided to them really did not prove they kissed because both my wife and the pastor said they were joking and teasing, but it was the sexting. I sent the texts my wife and I had since I caught them in their affair and she admitted they both loved each other but then she turned it around and said it was only commented to me out of depression. The only thing that was defended in my stake was that she needed to re-evaluate her reasoning for the divorce because her husband has worked harder in the 5 months and she threw it in my face.
Right now, its the month we have to wait to see what the church will decide but in the meantime, the divorce papers are filed and I begged her to please change her mind, but she will not. she also asked me weeks ago several times, "please lets be civil about this whole matter for the kids, grandkids, and deaf teens." I have been civil. Since the signing of the papers, she has not. she has blocked me from her phone of calls and text messages. she tells me to go through our adult children and I refused. I actually had to break down this morning and ask my oldest daughter to relay a message, she was kind in relaying it. In addition, she has not been to our house to help get the home ready for sale and since we live in WA state, it is a community property state and no fault state so its like I could say forget it, i am not lifting a finger but hen again, we don't want our credit ruined. I feel like im back at square one with her in February and she is treating me like this. Now God is the only that will have to give me the motivation to love her, be patient with her, and to NOT retaliate, but why am I so so so angry with her and she is controlling everything.
The only one thing I can say positive for now is that I did find a counselor here that specializes, not only in infidelity for men, but also a counselor for pastors. He works with Linda MacDonald, the one who wrote the book, "How to Hellp your spouse heal after your affair." Whether or not my wife comes around to talk with him, at least I am getting the help I need to heal and can live right and make my life count for God.
Sorry for the long replay but wanted to give you what is going on in my situation. You guys will never know how much you mean to me (and other WS, BS, and AP's) on this forum. Keep it up!