Vacillating
I’ve been having some ups and downs as far as dealing with the aftermath of my husband’s affair, but for the most part I was feeling pretty good. I’ve been focused on the kids and trying to get back into the swing of things as far as managing my home. However, the last few days have been so difficult. I’ve started crying again, and I’ve been so angry with my husband because I feel like he’s so oblivious to what it is I feel. Granted he has been working 12 hour night shifts 6 days a week (this is only temporary). He only has one day off, but he’s always sleeping. Or he goes to the gym after work and comes home after. Then he sleeps until it’s time for work. That leaves little time for the family, and I feel like I’m a single parent. 

What’s worse is that he’s constantly asking me if I’m ok or what’s wrong. I obliged him a few times and told him what I was feeling and talked about some of the things that bother me, but yesterday I got fed up and told him I’m sick of him asking me that. He can’t do anything about it, and he damn well knows what is wrong. It’s annoying. I told him that I’m done telling him what’s on my mind; and if he truly wants to fix things with us, that burden is his because I’m not doing it. I can’t stress myself about us any longer. 

Now I’m at a point where I just feel so disconnected from him. We used to have a pretty good relationship. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, but it was good. We respected each other (so I thought), told each other everything, and we were happy. As everyone here knows, this affair has cut me deeply to my core. I guess my question is, is it normal to feel so disconnected?
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arizons
Yes! especially if you don't feel that your being listened to our your needs are not being met. And its HIS job to try and fix things...not yours!
   Its been almost 1 year and one months since D-day for me and I still find myself feeling disconnected.
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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Keepabuzz
It comes and goes for me, the disconnected times get shorter. BUT, my WS is doing all the right things  if she wasn’t I think the disconnection would just grow. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Browneyedgirl_1990
Yes!!

https://affaircare.com/articles/understanding-your-loyal-spouse/

This article helped me understand all the emotions and phases I was going through.  I also sent it to my husband.  It has given us both alot of insight.
B.S. 
Sexual affair
Married 5.5 yrs
Affair 10/14/17- 11/4/17 
Dday 11/10/17
Welcomed 2nd daughter 12/13/17
I was 32 weeks pregnant
OW was my closest FRIEND
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DorothyJane7
Vacillating,

You're feelings are totally normal. I'd say the stressful living situation and resulting disconnect are exactly the culprit for you hitting a downslide. I've had that happen too. It's also depressing to feel like you're better and then fall off a cliff again. It makes you think, "Is this always how life's going to be?" Makes me rethinking giving up sometimes. But Keepabuzz is right, the times get shorter and less hard. 

I'd say the solution is to do things to reconnect, even if they're just little things. And, hey, I think the gym is out for him if he's working 12-hour shifts. The family has got to come first. YOU have got to be a priority. Your feelings have to be a priority and that's with  his actions. I'd be very hurt to be asked to get by on crumbs after the deep pain of betrayal. That's just not reasonable or loving at all.
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Vacillating
Thank you all for your knowledge and advice. 

Browneyedgirl, that article was very helpful. Thank you very much. I feel so much better now that I know I’m not just going nuts. 

DorothyJane, I totally agree with you about the gym, and I’ve expressed these same sentiments to him. It’s totally up to him to see what it’s doing to the family. I’ve just stopped trying to reconnect because it’s so one-sided. Like I mentioned earlier, I’ve laid it all on him. The last two days he hasn’t been to the gym. Only time will tell if he’s actually going to make the effort. Thanks again for the advice. 
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