Reese Show full post »
triplehooks
Wait are the angry texts only to/from him and OW and his parents?  Or are they from/to those three parties and yourself?  In any case hold on to all of it for future evidence etc.  

lol Defamation? To whom?  His parents?  That’s just hilarious.  #1 I’m not sure of the law where you are, but where I am it is almost impossible to sue your actual and current spouse for anything.  I think it’s because you are considered to be one person.... kind of.  There’s some kind of marital shield at work there.  There are a few other elements of bullet proofing yourself against a law suit (as usual...this is not legal advice and I am not an attorney):

A) What is the strength of your counterparty’s claim?  His sucks, as long as you’ve stuck to the truth.  So you’re good there.  

B)  Are you a rich target? That’s an open question but regardless of your wealth you’re not a great target for him because i) see #1 above — it’s probably impossible for him to sue you, and ii) even if he could and won, AND collected from you, you’d still be married and his winnings would still be marital property and you’d still be entitled to at least half in the divorce — LOL!!!

C) Damages.  Can your husband tie the defamation to any actual damages?  At what cost to him did you defame him?  Is it impacting current or future employment? Did it cost him a lucrative contract?  Did he have knowledge of a specific inheritance that he is now cut out of?  I doubt ANY of these things apply.  Therefore he probably has no damages. Therefore he isn’t interesting to an attorney.  Lol. Again, these damages are only RELEVANT in the case you ACTUALLY defamed him, which is impossible if you stuck to the truth.  You CANNOT defame someone about whom you are speaking the truth, INTENTIONALLY.  

D) Based on the above three factors, would a competent attorney take the case — on contingency?  Contingency is the way that people with little resources of their own can get competent representation.  But the attorney has to a see a way to make a profit from their work...so they have to see a path to not only winning but collecting.   I don’t see ANY competent attorneys taking the case on contingency. 

E) if an attorney wouldn’t take it on contingency, would they take it on a pay as you go basis?  Possibly, some attorneys will work on ANYTHING they can bill hourly for... so then you’d need to consider whether...

F) ...$hit-for-brains has any resources to fund such a thing at hundreds of dollars per hour.  Suing you will take a minimum of 50-100 hours.  Probably more.  At such cost it’s unlikely to be profitable.  

My guess is you can take a deep breath and go back to taking amazing care of yourself and your five kids.  

$hit-for-brains is hosed...because he is an IDIOT.  He f@cked with the wrong woman, and he will pay the price now.  His calls to your attorney and “angry” texts are all the proverbial chicken — with head already severed — running around before collapsing in recognition of its already dead status.  


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Reese
Texts between him and his parents and him and the ow. 

Another update, he made her remove the photo. I'm fairly certain a very good friend of ours told him off because of it. Idk why he wouldn't let her keep it up though. Damage is done you know?

If you have a favorite book, recipe or hobby please share. I need ideas. I'm trying to explore life a bit more. I'm in the US but plan to go to Ireland next spring. Lots of doors opening up now. Amazing how that happens right? ✌ & ♥️
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hurting
If that’s the case, at least your friends have some semblance of morals and decency! 

Glad to hear doors for you are opening at unexpected times. I’ve stayed away from reading due to the unforeseen triggers, but I have picked up gardening since this happened. The physical work is a distraction and good for me. I tend to grow things like herbs and veggies so it’s quite rewarding when I harvest them! Given its autumn, perhaps give hydroponic gardening a try? I bought some Rockwool and nets off eBay, set up a bunch of old yoghurt tubs with holes cut out of the lids and some nutrients to dissolve in the water and off I went! At least then you’ll have some greenery indoors over winter. I didn’t buy any lights or filters or fancy set ups. Just went with the kratky method and it works fine 🙂

Otherwise, perhaps going for walks with your kids or a girlfriend might be nice? I need to have a think about recipes since I’m not all that good at cooking!

Ireland is beautiful and so green! It’s like a different world. Misty and beautiful with grey clouds but green everywhere!
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Damaged
Reese, you are bad ass! 180 his butt . Go grey rock on him. This is so difficult, but you are doing great. Don’t be surprised if his parents turn on you. Sounds like it could get ugly with him. Rainbow unicorn fart land is crashing down around him! Continue to be strong. You are an awesome person!
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Reese
His immediate family has already turned their backs on the children and I, however all of his aunts/uncles etc are disgusted with him and his parents behavior. They are supporting him having an affair. It's already pretty ugly. I'm fairly certain he's been in the woods by the house the last few nights as my dogs have been going off unordinarily. Also my younger brother is quite easily manipulated and he showed up to my house at 11:30pm last night when he lives over 90 miles away with a story about just being in the neighborhood. It just doesn't jive. I told my younger brother he can't be friends with my ex anymore and suddenly my husband removed his number from our family cell plan. Coincidence? I think not. 
I don't know why he would be stalking me though? 

I wasn't home, we were at a friends house. Had a bbq and kids were sleeping when I talked to my brother, who asked me about four times where I was. 
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Keepabuzz
Reese wrote:
His immediate family has already turned their backs on the children and I, however all of his aunts/uncles etc are disgusted with him and his parents behavior. They are supporting him having an affair. It's already pretty ugly. I'm fairly certain he's been in the woods by the house the last few nights as my dogs have been going off unordinarily. Also my younger brother is quite easily manipulated and he showed up to my house at 11:30pm last night when he lives over 90 miles away with a story about just being in the neighborhood. It just doesn't jive. I told my younger brother he can't be friends with my ex anymore and suddenly my husband removed his number from our family cell plan. Coincidence? I think not. 
I don't know why he would be stalking me though? 

I wasn't home, we were at a friends house. Had a bbq and kids were sleeping when I talked to my brother, who asked me about four times where I was. 


Its about control. He had you under total control until it all came out. Now YOU are in control and he can’t stand it!  Keep it up!
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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triplehooks
Moving off the phone plan is step 1 of trying to make his world more opaque to you.  Otherwise you could track his contacts via the phone log on the phone bill. 

Pro tip for you:  take full control of your phone plan, make sure you are the named account holder and he is neither an account holder nor a manager of the account.  Then change the login and password details and lock him out so he cannot monitor YOUR communications.  

Even better pro tip: if you have an iPhone start calling all your “sensitive” contacts (like if you want to cloak your communications with HIS relatives or friends or anyone for any reason) using FaceTime.  There’s no record in a log anywhere of that so harder to find and harder therefore to prove it ever happened.  WhatsApp is similar (and useful for calling to/from android phones).  

If you are concerned about stalking consider installing some motion triggered lighting around the house and a camera system.

Havent tabled these questions yet, but the further you get into crazy town the more these things need fleshing out: is he a gun owner?  Are you? Is he on medication?  Any history of physical abuse of any kind?  Any concerns about safety?  God forbid this turn into a dateline story, and I hope that’s a minute risk...just saying if you’re worried about it, now’s the time (while spending marital money) to make investments in security stuff. Even consider a dash cam for the car if you think you’ll cross paths away from the house or he might follow you.  

Considering the other side of it (YOUR interest if any in tracking him) consider sticking a GPS tracker on his car. If it’s titled in both your names it’s usually legal to do. If it’s titled in his name only it may be questionable, BUT if you’ve loaned him money to buy it you’re a lender and formal vehicle lenders track those things all the time (for repo).  It’s not a perfect marker of where HE is, just where his car is, but you can assume the two are correlated.  

So sorry to hear his parents value blood over principles, but that’s often the case with cheaters.  Not only is their behavior $hit but they often descend from $hit behavior  (SOMEONE taught or didn’t teach them the moral compass they possess) and screwed up values.  

Are your kids somehow NOT their grandkids?  How can they applaud the disintegration of their grandkids’ home?  Seriously, are they on drugs??

And your own brother?  Is he closer to your husband than he is to you?  Although I’ve seen right bonds between brothers in-law (mine are quite tight with me) when YOU have been wronged like this by your husband I’d be surprised he was siding with your husband over you.  So perhaps you haven’t informed your brother?  Wait, have you informed your parents?  Are you holding that all back from YOUR side not to shame him in the minute chance you reconcile?  Sorry have to go back and read your prior posts if you’ve addressed that already. 
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triplehooks
Oh and as far as why he would be stalking you?  Hard to know exactly but as long as he has legal access to the house he has reasons to get in there when you are not around.  Whether it’s to remove property from the residence or tamper with the place you are residing in (perhaps to monitor you via surveillance equipment etc?) or any number of things.... Perhaps he has a condom stash at home he knows you’ll go looking for now and wants to remove that evidence?  
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Experiencethedevine29
Reese wrote:
His immediate family has already turned their backs on the children and I, however all of his aunts/uncles etc are disgusted with him and his parents behavior. They are supporting him having an affair. It's already pretty ugly. I'm fairly certain he's been in the woods by the house the last few nights as my dogs have been going off unordinarily. Also my younger brother is quite easily manipulated and he showed up to my house at 11:30pm last night when he lives over 90 miles away with a story about just being in the neighborhood. It just doesn't jive. I told my younger brother he can't be friends with my ex anymore and suddenly my husband removed his number from our family cell plan. Coincidence? I think not. 
I don't know why he would be stalking me though? 

I wasn't home, we were at a friends house. Had a bbq and kids were sleeping when I talked to my brother, who asked me about four times where I was. 



😂😂😂 I’m laughing because it’s doing his head in that you’re not crying, begging and pleading with him to come home to you and here he is, Billy big balls, suddenly not so f*cking awesome is he! Twat....🙄...it’s obvious he can’t cope with YOU refusing to engage in his drama, getting on with it as best you can, and ignoring his horse manure.

 You’re a star! Keep it up.

It might get worse (because he’s obviously pissed off that you don’t need a knob who’s going to walk all over you anymore), but you CAN do this, AND with a smile because you can already see this W⚓️ in all his glory 😳... that you’re living your life without him is getting right on his nerves..😂😂😂🤣

Creeping around in the woods to see what you’re up to?? What a 🛎🔚...  


ETD 🌻
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Reese
Another update. 3.5 weeks since he's seen the kids. I haven't heard from him either. Judge signed an interim order today awarding me sole custody of the children and nearly all of the funds. I was so relieved and laughing so hard I was nearly crying. I don't think he's seen it yet but imagine he'll be pretty angry when he does. He has no access to me other than at visitation, is it safe to assume he's going to try to use that to get to me with this?
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hurting
So glad for you!!! He will probably use whatever he can to get to you. But this is such a relief!
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triplehooks
What magical unicorn jurisdiction is this?  And can I get this judge to hear my case?  Lol. This is a fantastic outcome! Turn the screws...
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ThrivenotSurvive
Happy for you - but also sorry that you and your kids are having to experience this.  Your are doing a FANTASTIC job of focusing on what needs to be done to protect your self and your kids.  I am just always sad to see when grown people who should know better hurt others - especially their CHILDREN - like this.  
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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Reese
Thanks all. 

Seeing our babies hurting, not understanding why Daddy doesn't come see them has absolutely been the hardest part of this. I just don't understand how someone could do that to their own children. 

We are trying to focus on the positive though, school starts next week, sports, etc. We'll be moving soon into a new house and we are all very excited for that. 

As for my WH, I hope he comes to his senses and tries to salvage his relationship with the children before it's beyond repair. I hope that he can live with the destruction he has caused and I hope he learns and grows from this. Though it kills me to admit it, I love him so so much and believe I likely will for a long time. The person I knew though doesn't exist anymore so all we can do is move forward and we are fiercely. 

So much thanks to everyone in this community for listening and encouraging. It has been such a blessing. ♥️
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EasyAsABC
As if having an affair isn’t bad enough, abandoning your children is the scummiest thing I’ve heard of. There would have inevitably been some questions and tension if he had left while still maintaining a relationship with them, but to voluntarily give up your kids for your AP? Absolutely sickening. 
And it speaks volumes to the character of his AP and his family who condone this behavior. 
Im so sorry. 
My exH is a piece of sh*t, and even he never gave up his kids completely. Though, he did request less time with them in order to spend more time with his gf (an AP from when we were married 🙄). 
BS to an abusive H 2009-2018
OW 2018-2019
I wear many hats.
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