I can only say how I would feel in that situation. Take it for what you will.
I'd probably tell him fine - I get it You need time to think about what you need and want to make firm decision for your future. I do understand that you don't want to make a bad decision - and that you may have lingering feelings. That all makes sense to me. But - just because I can understand it - doesn't mean it does not cause, in turn, a reaction - in me. And your lingering indecision is causing me to feel a wall going up. Brick by brick, I feel myself moving a bit farther away. Right now, more of me wants to try and reconcile, than doesn't - but I don't know how long that will last. This isn't manipulation or me trying to force your hand - it's just the truth. And I don't think that many people would have even held out as long as I have. But I do value what we had - and might could have again. But while you've been thinking - so have I. And I know I deserve more. I deserve someone who doesn't just "not want to lose me" - but sees who I am and thinks they are the luckiest guy on earth to have me. And the more you show that you aren't so certain about that - the more I start to find myself tending the fires of my love for you less and less. I hope that if you do want this marriage you figure it out before those embers are cold. While my husband did not waffle about the marriage for more than about 24 hours - it took him a while to really get it and own it the way I needed him to - and I told him something very much like that. Because it was true. I don't know how you feel. But that is how I would see it. There wasn't one bone in my body that felt like "fighting" for him. If he wanted to go - he could. There was nothing attractive about knowing some other woman wanted him. It made him LESS attractive that I had to think about it. I like to adore my SO - and I want to be adored in return. If he couldn't give it to me, or didn't think he could get back to that place fairly quickly - I was done.. I'd never stop loving him - we'd shared too much for that. But that love would become the kind you have for someone who once meant a great deal, but now is a loving memory - no more.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl