Therapy is like everything else in life - you get out of it what you put into it.
Some people do it because they are at their wits end with themselves and the life they are leading. They don't understand why they have made the self-destructive choices they have. They want to stop hurting themselves and those they love (this isn't necessarily infidelity-exclusive - it can be drugs, anger management, food addictions, workaholism, being emotionally unavailable, etc.) There are others who do it as a way of getting people off their back - of manipulation as EasyasABC just gave an excellent example of. The million dollar question is which one do you have on your hands? On this site, we have both WSs and APs who CLEARLY saw their affair as a wake-up call - a manifestation of something broken inside that they needed to find and heal - and did so. I would say that in some ways these people are more safe to be trusted now than the average person who has never been tested. Because even though they failed the test once before, they now know their demons and weak spots - and have consciously chosen to learn how to conquer them. They understand firsthand the consequences of their action to themselves and others and don't wish to ever experience it again. Some people have lived blameless lives because they are emotionally strong and have a clear vision of who they want to be in life, what values they want to embody. But many others just haven't been tested. However, for every WS or AP here that has owned their mess and worked to clean it up, there are a LOT who avidly rug-sweep and refuse to deal with their issues - always seeing it as something caused by circumstances outside of themselves (the partner, the situation, etc.) These typically become serial cheaters with a ready list of handy justifications. Which one of these your WS embodies - I doubt any of us will be able to tell you. You know him and the circumstances of your marriage up to this point far better than anyone else. Try to find some emotional separation and look back at your life together including now, with as much objectivity as you possibly can. It is natural at times like these to rewrite history - either making it better or worse than it really was. Try not to do that and it will likely reveal plenty about your spouse and your potential for a future together after this mess.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl