rendez_vu Show full post »
Kalmarjan
You'll have to speak with a lawyer on that. With that said, one thing I was counselled was to remain in the home.

And, you may be right about him wanting to be closer to the OW. Right now she is probably a good shoulder to cry on, someone to "relate" to his situation and how "unfair" it is.

Ugh... Stupid... I know.
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Broken
rendez_vu wrote:
Broken -- did you do anything to get your husband out of the fog or is it as Kalmarjan indicated, he must come to that conclusion himself?   How long was your fog period?

This is still a very new and exciting thing for my WS.  They work together, and per her text, she has "plans" on projects so that they can be legitimately be together "working".   She also gives him "homework" assignments to do silly things...one of which is a place close to the office so that they can go there to "make-out".  He is her boss's boss, yet she manipulates him and he follows her every command like a puppy dog...
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Broken
rendez_vu -- I'm not sure my husband went through the fog period.  As soon as I found out he said it was over and he ended the relationship.  He said she wasn't worth his family.  So why do it in the first place.  Make no sense to me.
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rendez_vu
Lucky you...mine still treasures the OW over me (and his step daughters...he has no children except mine and he is estrange from his flesh and blood family...no contact in almost 10 years).

WS has changed logins for all his financial accounts...so I can't see the bonus that he just received.  He previously had setup software to aggregate all our credit cards (expenses) and all our assets...e.g. to ensure that we were totally financially transparent to each other.  Then it suddenly started w/ him hiding his "business credit card" expense (when the texting start with the OW).  Now all his accounts have been removed from these software applications...so all that's left are my accounts.  So as of Wed. (3 days ago) when he was confronted with the affair,  his is now getting an apartment and making his account inaccessible to me...a 180 from the initial total transparency when we first started.

Always knew he was a bit selfish but did not realize how truly deep it runs until now when it's turned against me!  I feel like he's in the driver's seat, and nothing I can do!  Again, how did I get here soooo FAST!
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TimT
rendez_vu wrote:
...His attitude about moving out seem like one of resolution...it was only YESTERDAY that I confronted him about his affair, and today he has no remorse, no regret about what he has done...just seems like he's almost glad... it seems like a first step for him to move on with his life...it makes it easier to be with the OW!...

This is not an unusual reaction: a sense of "finally I'm free to pursue what I want!" It won't end with the same sort of excitement & optimism, but you cannot convince him otherwise. It is not just that you have to pay consequences for his choices, but justice doesn't reign in the world of infidelity. Do what you need to do to protect yourself (financially & legally) if his choices are putting you at risk.
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rendez_vu
It's been 1 month now...husband is all settle in new apartment /new life -- purchasing new furniture, new clothes, expense dinners every weekend, 2 separate purchases of expensive Tiffany jewelry (over $4K) with/for OW...

No remorse, little interaction w/ me unless it's to get things from house or logistics about separation of our finances...so think I'm now in the wrong thread on "rebuilding our marriage"... I think we're done...it takes two to rebuild...can't do this one all by myself...

Have to now face the new reality of a solo life...thanks all for your feedback!
(I'm envious of those who are making an effort and working on saving their marriage.)
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surviving
So sorry,rendez_vu.  Your note breaks my heart.  Even more than my WS broke my heart!  Maybe it isn't over.  When the affair fog lifts, maybe he will come to his senses. 
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Kalmarjan
I have to add to this... I did the same things as your WS. New apartment, furnishings, the works. I got my sh+T together later, but I'm still paying for everything. So, there is that.
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