I second EVERYTHING Seventy7 said. EVERYTHING. The timeline - and the fact that it gets easier.
Also, I'd like to point out that you and your husband are one of the only couples that have BOTH come on here. He joined you in taking a very active approach to healing your marriage very early. Because of that you have moved faster than a lot of couples. Sometimes I think this can offer a false sense of security that we, as human, want to cling to. We want a month of feeling good to mean that we won't ever feel bad again. But unfortunately, as I have mentioned before, this healing seems to come in waves. My first DD anniversary was HELL. And so was the first Christmas, Thanksgiving, Wedding Anniversary, etc. But the second year wasn't as bad. This year, I actually FORGOT a few of the days that used to hurt me deeply (I just realized it responding to this post). And the others weren't a big deal. Now at over three years I am happy most of the time - genuinely. And when uncomfortable feelings come up (and yes, even having come this far, they do still come up) my husband and I talk through them. Because one of the little nuggets of good that came out of this steaming pile of crap was the fact that my husband has learned how to deal with emotions - his and other people's. To not fear difficult discussions. He now realizes that sometimes TALKING about something helps fix it - or at least allows you to work on it together. I can genuinely say we are closer now than we have ever been. I don't think that has anything to do with me - it's all the changes in him - a new awareness of his own emotions and a comfort level in expressing them. And in learning to accept his own emotions, he's now more accepting and understanding of everyone else's. I don't know whether this will be the same for you and your husband, but I think you have a really good shot. Just don't confuse progress with being healed. There will still be waves of these feelings over the next year - maybe more. They just stay for less and less time and become less and less potent. Until one day you realize it's been six months since the last time your were down for more than an afternoon Be gentle with yourself, Skelling. And WSBob - if you are reading this - don't get frustrated or start worrying that all your efforts are going up in smoke. This injury runs DEEP and takes a long time to heal. So just be there for her, reminding her of your regret, and your hope and unwavering focus on your future together. She needs YOU to be strong for her right now. You failed her once - she needs to know that you never will again. That you have learned exactly how precious what you have together is and will protect it - even when times like this hit. So sorry you are struggling Skelling - sending 1000 virtual hugs.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl