I am not a big believer in ever telling anyone that something can't be done. It is a question that can only be answered by ourselves, for ourselves. And many people have achieved things that I personally wouldn't have bet on.
That being said in my OPINION (and that is all it is) - you have some incredibly big hurdles to overcome. As was discussed on a different thread, we all need to determine our reasons for staying. For me the fact that the vast majority of my 25 year marriage had been loving, supportive and happy was a key reason that I was willing to stay. I wanted to see if we could recapture the magic and treat it with more care the second time around. It sounds like you've spent the vast majority of your relationship NOT feeling loved and supported (forgive me if I misunderstood.) So before I would start to even look at, or consider, HIS reasons for wanting to do the hard work of reconciliation (and believe me it is LONG and HARD road) - I think you need to take a bit to discover and consider your own. Why do you love him? Is it is a healthy love for you? Does it build you up? If your child was in this relationship, what would you say/feel about it? When you can answers those questions - and you are sure you want to stay for reasons that seem healthy and you are content with... then and only then you can look at whether he's ready to do the things he needs to do... which is the next big hurdle.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl