Sounds like therapy is warranted to figure out why you do the things you do. Why can’t you be faithful and truthful? Why don’t you have boundaries? Why don’t you value your wife and guard your marriage from those trying to tear it down?
Judge Judy says that when people know something they are going to do is wrong and they do it anyway, they are being self-indulgent. No matter the cost. Later is when they ask themselves, “ How could I have done that? Why am I capable of making such bad choices? Will I keep making these bad choices? What can I do to hopefully fix myself so I won’t hurt others?” All good questions to ask your therapist.
Some people, as much as they won’t admit it, are not marriage material. They like the idea of marriage, but not the work that is required in being in a loving and committed relationship. These people need to remain single and forever be the happy bachelor constantly dating others who are of the same mindset. That way you won’t hurt anyone.
If all it takes is for a girl to tell you that you are cute and before you know it, you are counting ceiling tiles, you have a lot to figure out. It shows you have no boundaries. Your marriage is not precious to you.
Think of your marriage like a newly planted flower that you need to water every day. It needs to be cared for and fertilized ( love and attention.). You apparently planted the flower and decided it was a good idea to stomp all over it. Is it any wonder why your wife is pissed off at you for your careless behavior? You have no right to be angry at her because she is upset because you chose to stomp on that flower.
You had choices, and you obviously chose very poorly. Your wife had no say in you making those choices. When you get defensive, it just shows her you aren’t safe, and that she can’t depend or trust you with her heart that you chose to stomp on. It’s up to you to make things right. When she rages, you’re just going to have to man up and take it for however long that lasts. This is your new reality. You may not like this new reality, but you chose to make it this way.
Being married to your wife is a privilege. You chose her above all others for a reason. Why would you want to be with an affair partner that so willingly conspired with you to lie and deceive your wife? She doesn’t sound like a Godly woman. That doesn’t sound like a woman I would want to take home and meet my mother much less spend the rest of my life with.
I believe that an indicator of future behavior is past behavior. People don’t change unless they fundamentally want to change. I would be very leery about people who have been deceitful in the past because more than likely, they will deceive in the future.
If I was you, I’d be on my knees every day asking your wife for forgiveness and proving to her with words and deeds that you can be trusted in the future. There is nothing worse than someone you can not trust. If you don’t have trust, you don’t have anything.
In summation, don’t get defensive. Man up to all your mistakes. If you do get divorced, don’t ever marry again. You’ve proven you’re not good at it. Prove to your wife that you are worthy of her love and trust. Don’t ever cheat again. You and your wife need to get tested for STDs. You certainly don’t want to pass on anything to your wife. Get on your knees and ask for forgiveness (from your wife and God- He’s not happy with you right now. God hates adultery. This is why he mentioned it twice in the Ten Commandments. 1. Thou shall not commit adultery. 2. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife.)
Get into therapy. Vow never to be that horrible husband who would thoughtlessly stomp on your wife’s heart without giving her feelings a second thought.
Good luck to you and your wife. Hope everything works out for you both.