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Keepabuzz
“Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, hoping to make them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief.[1][2]

Instances may range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. The term owes its origin to the 1938 Patrick Hamilton play Gas Light and its 1940 and 1944 film adaptations. The term has been used in clinical and research literature,[3][4] as well as in political commentary.[5][6]”
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Kiki
Thank you for responding to me.
I now realize that my H used gaslighting my whole marriage and is still trying even though we are separated. I am now stronger and no longer a victim of his.  I have set up boundaries for my self…I no longer answer texts or emails if I don’t want to. He is trying to manipulate me financially now, but I will not allow it. I am practicing the 180!!! 
Finally, my middle daughter expressed her feelings to her dad. Very honestly and heartfelt telling him how he has hurt her and her sisters. And to stop blaming me.
I am very proud of her! Maybe now he will realize what he has done.
D-Day#1 Dec 19, 2017
D-Day#2 Jan 13, 2018
5 year “on/off affair”
Separated

Married 25 years, together 35
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Karilee
My kids went through a time they didn’t want to see their dad after he left too. My H blamed he for turning them against him, always deflecting the blame. After a while I stopped fighting with him about it and stopped nasty texts, only talked when needed. That part was hard but anytime you do that it only justifies (in their mind anyway) that leaving you was a good choice. I put on a happy not caring act anytime we had to talk or see each other. I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me as angry and miserable. Think about it, do you like being around angry and miserable people? Not at all, be or act like the kind of person you want to be or be around. Don’t let him think you are nasty in any way. You will see a difference in yourself and how he responds to you. His relationship with your kids is on him. They are old enough to know how they feel and he can blame you all he wants but eventually he will have to realize it’s his fault, just be careful not to talk negatively about him to your kids. They will respect you even more for being the better person. Ignore him when he blames you, don’t even respond to anything negative or accusatory from him, it will only make him feel validated in his claims. 
Female BS, two kids age 10 & 13
Married 16 years, together for 23 years total
D Days - Feb 2013, June 2015 and Sept 2017
All with the same OW
Separated
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Kiki
Thanks Karilee,
I now realize how I let my anger get the best of me.  I said some awful, but true things to him. My pain turned me into someone I despised. He actually said he was happy he left me.
I feel munch better being calm and in control. 
No more anger! Better not bitter!
I try not to talk to my kids about him. No more asking if he texted them. I feel that if they want to tell me, they will.

It has taken 3 months, but I finally feel some calm.
You are right, I dont want to be around angry and miserable. But anger is so hard to control. I just wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. But I know that is not possible. I now realize that my anger fueled him. He needs any type of narcissist supply he can get.  He actually blocked me, to punish me -silent treatment- then unblocked me 2 days later.  I will no longer play his games.

I wish I had your advice in January.
Life is better in the 180. 
D-Day#1 Dec 19, 2017
D-Day#2 Jan 13, 2018
5 year “on/off affair”
Separated

Married 25 years, together 35
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