How are you all?
Ive still been on and off with needing a break from all this affair-specific stuff. Not really sure how to explain it. Sometimes I wonder if it means I’m entering out “new normal”, and out “new normal” doesn’t need me to look back. Others, I wonder if it’s denial of ongoing pain.
This describes me almost perfectly. I was just laying here in bed with him and trying to put the pieces together in my mind. We are in an ok place, but I'll likely have this baby any day, and his affair started one year ago on the 14th. Oct 7th is our anniversary, my 3rd child's birthday, and the last day he was with the OW last year. How does this all work together? So far he handles things by burying them and doing things to make it up to me, but you just can't make up for this. Sometimes I look at him still and am just so repulsed. And what you said about your body right now, boy do i feel that. I've refused to change in front of him for months, i just can't. I absolutely detest the idea of being naked and vulnerable with him during birth, but I see no way around it, and im afraid that's going to be incredibly triggering for me. Ugh, lots going on in my head. I'm so glad to hear from you! I've been wondering about you during this incredibly vulnerable time. I'm glad to hear your little one is doing well!
Dday 10/12/2018 Renewing myself one day at a time.