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Hi I'm new to this so please bear with me
I've been married for 3 years and we dated for a year before that my husband has a promiscuous past but when we met he stopped everything even going out without me even expecting it let alone asking him I was 20 and he (23) was my first boyfriend
My friends and his friends used to hang out as a group and my ex friend added him on Snapchat used to message him generally not knowing he's sitting next to me sending kiss emojis and drawing Willie's and stuff on Snapchat silly things and he would save them and show them to me where as she would save everything else but not her kissie emojis so I stopped speaking to her and thought he was honest as he showed me things I wouldn't have known about otherwise fast forward 1 year after marriage she gets in contact with me saying don't know why you've cut me out etc and then told me 3 weeks before me and him got married he kissed her and she said she rejected him begged her not to tell me when I found out I was heartbroken was very close to ending it he convinced me to make it work and we did he was always transparent with his phone social media gave me passwords even before he kissed her which because I had trust issues I would always check and never found anything
It took me about 2 years to really stop thinking about that often and being hurt and trusting him, February this year and I'm 8 month pregnant (after losing a baby in April last year due to sepsis and ending up in icu)
And we have a bug argument over something petty and he leaves the house takes his clothes and goes to stay with a friend of his next day I'm getting a horrible gut feeling and also had a dream about him cheating brushed it off as insecurity and thought he just needs to cool down and he'll come home and apologise that feeling didn't go away all day so I logged into his social media didn't find anything until I got to Snapchat and saw a message from a woman and location saved I called him and asked him whose that woman he started denying and locked me out of sc by changing password I already screnshotted so added her off my own account and messaged her she told me they had just started talking that day off his friends badoo account and it was all sex talk she sent me screenshots and that he added her on sc and video chatted and he sent a dick pik after he came home finally admitted when confronted with proof only found out weeks after daughter was born that she was naked in the bath him asking to see her bits she showed her boobs and talking about what they'd do to each other then when call ended he sent the pik after that they didn't speak a few hours later is when I checked his sc.
Again he's begging for forgiveness but ever since we've been up and down he's trying his best promised it was the once will never happen again etc she was a older woman late 30s and now I'm in pieces so insecure and hurt again crying my eyes and snapping at him constantly I need some advice on how to move forward I really don't want to be a single mum to newborn and don't want her to have a broken home like the one I've come from but I can't seem to get over this
I’m so sorry you are here. big hugs to you and your baby!
First things first- you need to look after yourself and your baby. You don’t need to ‘get over’ anything.
This is really tough... obviously you want to do whatever is best for your baby, but I am going to venture to say that what is best for mum is what is best for baby. You are the most important person for her right now. So YOU must also be looked after.
I hate to say it because I remember being there. You want and need reassurance... but his behaviour raises big warning flags for me as one who has been betrayed. Be careful of him. There may be other revelations. It’s fine that he’s ‘begging for forgiveness’, but words are cheap. He wants forgiveness, sure. Has he earned it? You are NOT obliged to forgive him. What do his actions say? This is all horribly unfair and he has the worst timing. Quite frankly, he seems like an immature idiot at best and an abusive terrible failure of a human being.
The one reassurance that I can offer you, is that you are far stronger than you know. You CAN get through this, with or without him. It may not feel like it, but you can be ok again.
Do you have any family around who can support you? Friends? I would gather whatever supports you have and lean on them. You’re going through a very challenging period right now with a new baby... and betrayal on top of that is just too much.
Do you have any other kids? I am probably not qualified to give advice on this given I do not have children... but I am almost inclined to think as your daughter is so young, that should you choose to leave, at least you would not be uprooting your child from everything she knows to do so. Of course, that is a decision that only you can make.
Try your best to look after you. Eat. Sleep when you can. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to not be ok. You do not have to force yourself to ‘get better’. Give yourself time.
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