This is my second topic here and so far I’ve found it helpful based on the responses I’ve received.  

In my situation my wife got involved in a texting relationship with a “friend” who she shared a common hobby with.

He flattered her, gave her attention that my wife felt was missing from our relationship.  Their conversations were in the form of banter, innuendo, ultimately leading to my wife trying to keep the conversation at (let’s call it) PG-13 rated.  The other man would text some pretty overt things and my wife would passive aggressively push him away. 

She stares that as she reflects back on her feelings she felt that she really enjoyed the attention, matching wits, and pushing back when he’d get overt.

one wife met this guy at a beekeeping class at a local school.

She referred an old family friend to the next session of classes, she playfully asked if she got a t-shirt or money for referring a friend.  The man replied no, to each response, then he came out and wrote that he’d lick honey off her naked body.  

My wife claims she was shocked by it and as she was typing a response to him that basically said “ whoa, stay in your lane”, which apparently was to keep having the banter and innuendo and attention but not anything like that.  While she was typing that he immediately responded with a sorry, blah blah.

Anyway,  my wife and I are at an impasse.  I feel like I’m not being told the whole truth.  Where I’m stuck is she claims that she had zero feelings for this guy, she didn’t find him attractive, that it was never in the cards to explore a romantic or physical relationship, be that she enjoyed the attention she was getting and ultimately enjoyed baiting him so she could control the conversations.

Is it possible to engage in such behaviors without any sort of feelings towards the other person?  
Quote 0 0
Yes, in my opinion. Sounds like your wife simply enjoyed the banter.That doesn't mean their wasn't more however. Nor does it mean anything significant happened as in a full blown emotional or physical affair. My concern is your wife wasn't inclined to immediately stop the communication  after the inappropriate texts. It's at this very point where WS and their counselors look back and try to answer the why's after full blown affairs.

Why was it allowed to continue? Why did she enable what should have been disabled? What needed to be filled so bad to allow boundaries to be crossed? All communication should have been stopped immediately. Seems as if it had the potential to morph into something more as the need for the attention continues WS often begin compromising principles and boundaries to continue being fed what makes them feel good and next thing you know, they're much further in than they'd ever thought. Sounds like you dodged a bullet to me, but who knows. 
Quote 0 0
I certainly believe it’s possible for a woman can have an affair and not have feelings for her AP. Just as a man can. My wife did. She was depressed for many years, and refused to get help. This me with a substantial burden of taking care of her, and the kids, and working full time with a job that traveled. I tried everything I could do to “make her happy”, I would ask her what can I do, she would name off something’s for me to do or stop doing, etc.  I would do or stop doing said things, nothing ever changed. I finally gave up and accepted my reality. I was staying for the kids, and hoping that someday things would change. She finally went back to work after being a stay at home mom for 15 years, and within a month was having sex with some 23y/o jacka$$ from her job. He was literally 3 years older than our son.  So she had sex with him about 6 times over the next 6 months, everytime being while I was out of town on business. All the while treating me like garbage, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically abusing me. Telling me it was all my fault that she wasn’t happy, so I gave it my
all one last time for my kids, and put all of my effort in again.  After 6 months, I gave up. Completely, I didn’t know what was wrong, but I knew I couldn’t fix it and I was done trying. She immediately sensed it, feared she was losing me for real, and ended her affair, then wrestled with if she should tell me or not for the next month and trying to be super wife. I still could feel something was amiss, so her efforts didn’t do anything to change how I felt. The she decided to come clean, and that is when my world imploded. She has sworn from the second that she confessed that he meant nothing to her (I know, I know). But as she explained it, the no feelings for him made sense. She said she just liked the attention. She didn’t even like him as a person, he just happen to be the one there that was interested.  It took me quite a while to believe that, but I think I do. Doesn’t make it any easier, or maybe it does, I don’t know. On one hand if she didn’t have feeling for him, then she destroyed mefor literally nothing, is that better than her having feelings for him and having a hard time letting go of him? I can’t answer that. What I can answer is if she had had a hard time keeping no contact and/or letting go of him, I would have made it very easy for her. I would have chosen for her, and she would have been out of my house and waiting on divorce proceedings. So yes, I think it’s possible, but I don’t think it’s easier. 

I do have some serious doubts as to how far it went with your wife and her AP.....
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 0 0
It is possible that that was all. But even if It is the truth you should do the healing as if It was a full blown affair. 

I had a small fling 8 years ago, It went as far as me meeting the guy twice and nothing physical happened at all, But there was a fantasy. When I realised I was on thin ice I told hubby everything.

Since nothing had happened, we did nothing.

BIG mistake. Fast forward five years and I had an affair with someone else.

Those little flings are warning lights. Treat them as if the had a full blown affair and years later both of you wont have to deal with that carnage. 

I know that I wish I hadn't brushed them off so lightly.
Quote 2 0