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Awakened
Yes, the ghosts are there for me as well. Our bedroom and bathroom were the sites she used. 
We currently had an argument over getting her parents bedroom set. It bothered me and at first didn’t know why but as I thought about it—it boiled down to my wife controlling the bedroom space. It’s irrational but she gave in. I don’t care about the furniture . We are taking it and putting in another room. Dealing with the control and power issues , the helplessness of her decision to have affair and now controlling information about the affair just triggered my reaction. Doesn’t always have to make sense or be well reasoned—the betrayer should give the BS lots of room for these emotions. I think she is finally starting to get it. I hope so.
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Keepabuzz
notemanj wrote:
I realized that I truly had PTSD after I woke up one morning and my WH had bruises all over his face and scratches on his cheeks. I didn’t remember most of it. I “woke up” for a few moments while I was pounding my fists into his face and he was saying “get it all out. I’m not going anywhere.”  The next morning I called a therapist. I didn’t want to wake up one morning and find out that I had killed the father of my children. I finally appreciated the spouses who say that they don’t remember killing their spouse. It scared the hell out of me. I have anger I never knew I was capable of. 



Like you I never understood the whole “crimes of passion”. I TOTALLY get it now. I didn’t lay a hand on my wife. Prior to all this I felt there was never an excuse to hit a woman. Now, if someone told me that they found out their wife had betrayed them and they hit her, I would understand, I get it.  I also deal with PTSD, but it has gotten much better. I still deal with anxiety issues almost 3 years out. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Keepabuzz
Awakened wrote:
Yes, the ghosts are there for me as well. Our bedroom and bathroom were the sites she used. 
We currently had an argument over getting her parents bedroom set. It bothered me and at first didn’t know why but as I thought about it—it boiled down to my wife controlling the bedroom space. It’s irrational but she gave in. I don’t care about the furniture . We are taking it and putting in another room. Dealing with the control and power issues , the helplessness of her decision to have affair and now controlling information about the affair just triggered my reaction. Doesn’t always have to make sense or be well reasoned—the betrayer should give the BS lots of room for these emotions. I think she is finally starting to get it. I hope so.


My wife never had sex with her AP in my house, but if she did, I would have put the house on the market. Don’t care what her opinion was, it would have been sold. Literally anything that triggered me, I throw in the trash or gave to goodwill.  I didn’t ask her permission or her opinion. I got rid of lots of her clothes. She didn’t, and doesn’t have any right to say a word about any of it!
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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notemanj
I have thrown out plenty. I made him buy all new underwear. And every other thing that the AP came into contact with. Including our wedding rings. I took his immediately upon finding out that he didn’t even bother to take it off before he had sex with her. Clearly I didn’t need mine anymore. We are getting new ones and getting new vows when I am ready. 
Wishing everyone here peace and healing!

Female BS Married 18 yrs
DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting. 
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ALRUI


You are not alone. My situation is somewhat similar. My entire life and home was totally invaded and trespassed by the OM. And he had great help by my WS with that. Even the garbage bins in my home is from him and its all still here. I don't care anymore. She only admitted to sex once with him at home, but I know in my heart he's been around my home much more than what she is willing to remember or admit and I don't care to know anymore other than out of the occasional curiosity, but I don't let my curiosity get the better or me anymore. I treat her as a friend and don't love her the same anymore as a husband. 


Your situation sounds very similar to mine sadly. How can one not remember what at the time seems it would have been so out of the norm one WOULD remember? Odd to me.
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ALRUI
Awakened wrote:
Yes, the ghosts are there for me as well. Our bedroom and bathroom were the sites she used. 
We currently had an argument over getting her parents bedroom set. It bothered me and at first didn’t know why but as I thought about it—it boiled down to my wife controlling the bedroom space. It’s irrational but she gave in. I don’t care about the furniture . We are taking it and putting in another room. Dealing with the control and power issues , the helplessness of her decision to have affair and now controlling information about the affair just triggered my reaction. Doesn’t always have to make sense or be well reasoned—the betrayer should give the BS lots of room for these emotions. I think she is finally starting to get it. I hope so.


It blows my mind that a wife would have sex in the marital bedroom (mine did as well). I told her I would NEVER have remotely considered sex with another woman in our home let alone our bedroom!
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GingerHoneyBunny
Well, apparently they did not do it on purpose to hurt their spouse. That it's all a mistake, bla bla bla. Can't control themselves, etc. Nonsense. 
Male BS, D-Day 22th September 2017.
Probably a 10 to 12 month affair (I think, cause no one seems to remember anything!) 
Bleeding heart...
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Kiki
I can’t believe it either!!!
My WH brought his poacher to our vacation property.  I will never go there again, or my children. He also gave her a key to his apartment in the city.  During our failed reconciliation that was a huge issue for me.  I demanded a new apartment. Never happened.

I can’t imagine in your own home.   I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are so strong!!  I hope your WH recognizes that!! 
D-Day#1 Dec 19, 2017
D-Day#2 Jan 13, 2018
5 year “on/off affair”
Separated

Married 25 years, together 35
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Keepabuzz
Well, apparently they did not do it on purpose to hurt their spouse. That it's all a mistake, bla bla bla. Can't control themselves, etc. Nonsense. 


Unfathomable isn’t it?  Utter nonsense. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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hurting
Well, apparently they did not do it on purpose to hurt their spouse. That it's all a mistake, bla bla bla. Can't control themselves, etc. Nonsense. 


no, they just did it because they refused to think of anyone and anything other than their own selfish desires and issues. Their spouse didn’t even REGISTER for a moment in their selfish minds. It was always all about them. 
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ALRUI
hurting wrote:


no, they just did it because they refused to think of anyone and anything other than their own selfish desires and issues. Their spouse didn’t even REGISTER for a moment in their selfish minds. It was always all about them. 


Exactly, selfish spells it all out PERIOD!
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notemanj
It still floors me how little I figured into my WH’s thoughts during his affair. How do you not think about what your other half is feeling when you are texting them from the AP’s bed?!?!
Wishing everyone here peace and healing!

Female BS Married 18 yrs
DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting. 
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Heidi
I’m another whose husband brought the other woman to our home, and they had sex on our floor within about 10 feet of our 12 year old son’s bedroom, where he was sleeping. And I can type all that out without being angry, upset or anything else. It’s amazing what time and a remorseful spouse can do to help you heal. I just wanted to let you know that the triggers which used to devastate me have lost their power. 
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ALRUI
Heidi wrote:
I’m another whose husband brought the other woman to our home, and they had sex on our floor within about 10 feet of our 12 year old son’s bedroom, where he was sleeping. And I can type all that out without being angry, upset or anything else. It’s amazing what time and a remorseful spouse can do to help you heal. I just wanted to let you know that the triggers which used to devastate me have lost their power. 


Thats as messed up as my wife sexting with our 11 year old at the time son in the same room!
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Heidi
ALRUI wrote:


Thats as messed up as my wife sexting with our 11 year old at the time son in the same room!


Yes! The one thing I’m thankful for is that my son never realised at the time. However we told him the truth in case he’d noticed something - I didn’t want him to carry a secret like that around with him for the rest of his life. 
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