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My husband has a bunch of travel coming up. He left this morning on a trip in fact. I'm struggling. Travel has long been part of our relationship. I was always able to put up with it in the past and could suck it up being the primary parent as long as I felt we were a team.
On Dday which is almost 5 months ago - I asked did you take a trip with her? He said no. I asked a different, "You never traveled together? All your business travel was legit?" He said no. 5 days later I found out through digging that they were in NY at the same time and shared a hotel room. I confronted him and he said they didn't go together they met there. At that point I let him have it - I was ready to be done. The lies by omission whatever and I think he saw the pain and how ready I was to walk away at that point. He was much more willing to be honest after that day but he still hated "walking by his pile of poo." Through working with my IC - I was able to let go of 99% of the questions a couple months ago. Knowing more was not going to help me or us. Knowing details was not going to make it better.
Now I'm at work. Trying to focus but my anxiety level is crazy. Besides the one time he never traveled with her(or met her). He hasn't had one night stands, etc. This is completely in my head. I trust that he wants us. I trust that he doesn't want the lifestyle. I struggle with the internal lies in my head.
I'm driving him insane with my insecurity and neediness and my kids are feeding off this so I need to get a handle on it. Any advice out there?
My WH used to travel, too. Luckily his current job makes it much less frequent. However a few months after d day he had to go back to the place he'd been at the start of their affair. Before he left we talked about how we would deal with it while he was away.
What was most important was transparency and communication. We messaged a lot. He called whebever he could. We skyped every night, both when he got back to his room in the evening and before he went to bed. He agreed that if I called him, no matter what he was doing, or what meetings he was in, he'd excuse himself immediately and talk to me. In short he made me his number one priority.
With all of the above, if he'd wanted to, he could still have cheated and hidden it from me. He'd done it before after all. But I had to work hard in putting aside my fears, and cone to terms with the fact that if he did, then I would be strong enough to end things.
There's no fool proof way of getting through it, but try to treat yourself well, keep busy, and try to meditate or do other stress relieving activities to help you cope.
You will get through this.
For my self-care I listened to the church I linked last week and the pastor was sharing about the differences of Conviction vs Confidence. I think conviction is easier right now and that must be where the confidence builds from. The confidence being built is where you pull the knowledge that if he did it again I will be fine and will walk away with my head up high.
Next sermon that automatically started was on comparisons and why we need to let go of them. LOL...the universe is telling me something as that fell into the OW conversation from the other active topic. Obviously the only things we see on social media are the perfection or lies.
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