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UrbanExplorer
I know I'm in the minority, but I'd leave it alone, especially this many years later. Even though you were not the one that did anything wrong, you'll drop a bomb on that family out of nowhere. Who knows what is going on in their marriage?
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Keepabuzz
I know I'm in the minority, but I'd leave it alone, especially this many years later. Even though you were not the one that did anything wrong, you'll drop a bomb on that family out of nowhere. Who knows what is going on in their marriage?


The bomb is already in that family, it just hasn’t gone off yet. That bomb was built and placed there by the cheating spouses. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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UrbanExplorer
Keepabuzz wrote:


The bomb is already in that family, it just hasn’t gone off yet. That bomb was built and placed there by the cheating spouses. 


But not everyone can live with being the person who sets it off. That is my point. That, and the fact that none of us knows what's happening in someone else's marriage. 
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notemanj
I have been in love with exactly 2 people in my life. They both cheated on me. That fact was devastating. But what has been worse both times, was the fact that other people knew. Other people who claimed to be my friends. Other people who didn’t think it was their place to fill me in. 

None of those people are still in my life. I have no respect for them any longer. It’s not the sex that destroys us. It’s the lies. The lies are the bomb that explodes our safety. The secrets that others keep is what makes the humiliation so awful. 

I would tell the spouse and I would tell him ASAP. If they have an open marriage, then he won’t care. If he is angry with your husband, he has every right to be. 

If you you have any concerns for your safety or your marriage, then keep quiet. You have every right to protect your family. But, if that’s not the case, then tell him. However you think it is safest to tell him, tell him! The secrets are what kills more than anything else.
Wishing everyone here peace and healing!

Female BS Married 18 yrs
DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting. 
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Alexay02
my WS's AP had a boyfriend that my WS did not know about.  I found out by doing a quick background check on her, I found his email address and I told him about the affair.  I did say to my WS that she had a BF and that I was going to tell him what was going on as he had a right to make decisions about his life (marrying her or not) based on the truth of who she was and not on the package that she was presenting to him and the world.  My WS was extremely embarrassed because he had been friendly with the guy (they all worked at the same company at the time).  So I agree with all of you who say to tell the other spouse/partner, not out of spite, but out of charity.  We did not choose to be put in this situation and neither did they.
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Fionarob
Personally, I don't believe it is your 'moral responsibility' to drop this into someone else's marriage after all this time.  I think, if you delve really deep, you will probably see there is still an element of revenge in wanting to do this.  You have 'gone through hell' in your marriage, but they are still together and not having to deal with the fall-out of her affair (as far as you know.)  It must feel very unfair.  You must be thinking why do they get to have a happy marriage, whilst we had to, and still have to, deal with all this pain? Maybe, on some level, you want to do it because you know it will cause absolute destruction and devastation in their marriage.  You want her to feel the pain that you did and that is completely understandable.  Please think long and hard about how you will feel after you have done it, because you can never un-do it once it's done.  Please think hard about your motivation.  Is it really from a place of complete concern for this man you don't even know, or is there something else at play?
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