Alive12 Show full post »
I'm a BS. Although I threatened divorce initially, and we're still separated (10 months post dday), I've come to realize that's really not what I want. There is no one reason why I made the decision to stay. Most importantly, I still love him deeply and he is an amazing father to our children. Although our relationship had become strained and distant in the years leading up to his affair (for various reasons unrelated to the affair), for most of our marriage he was supportive and loving towards me. I'm not making excuses for what he did, but the fact of the matter is that, in my case, my husband is a good man who acted badly, but who I believe is still capable of being the loving husband I knew for years.

I stayed hung up for awhile on the question of whether I was compromising my own moral integrity and values by staying. I eventually had to let that go because claiming the moral high ground is less important to me than finding my way back to peace and happiness with my husband. It doesn't help me. And, speaking only for myself, my sins are great and many as well, even though they don't include infidelity.
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I firmly believe that once you have children they are your priority. Everyone gets unhappy at times but it is not justification to cheat on your spouse and your kids ( Imo)

I see kids from divorce and it is devastating . My h is a child of divorce and I listened for years about how it affected him.

I think if there is a chance that you can save your marriage for your children the. You should try.

Please don't think I am saying that people should stay together for the kids because no way. Both partners must need to demonstrate that they are committed to the relationship ..... You got married, you brought new people into the world......that has got to be worth trying to sort out problems.

However I also think that if you are separated and you both want to try , that should be done before involving the kids and only when you are sure to tell the kids. Not moving back in, then moving out again etc.
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I'm a BS DDay 1 year ago and I still struggle with thy question. I was one who infidelity was a deal breaker for me, however so far I have stayed. My WH's words say he wants the marriage to work; but his actions to me do not support that. If he is in contact with his AP, I don't know about it, but he still exhibits questionable behavior. My feelings toward him are different. I believe he is truly a good man, and he loves our son. But, I have only stayed for our son and for some crazy reason I don't want to hurt my H. I don't think he would be ok if I left. But as far as just I am concerned with no other variables, I think I would want out. It's just too painful.
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Dirazz and nelson

Thank you for your kind words, odd how the words of strangers can be so comforting, I guess it's because I know you all totally get it.

Wc59 - I totally understand your reasons for staying, those were also my reasons for so long.  I didn't want, and still don't want my children to come from a broken home and everything that goes along with it.  I suppose I just reached a point where I started to question why I was the only one doing anything to try and save them from that life, and why I should be miserable and my WS just got to have it all!  I still hate the fact that my children now have two homes and separated parents, but in the end I felt I wanted my life back, I wanted me back, and I lost every ounce of respect for my WS for continuing his affair.

Angrywife - I also understand your position in not wanting to hurt your husband, I didn't want to either.  And I knew how much it would hurt him to walk away from his children.  I warned him that if he didn't end his affair then he would be moving out.  Maybe he didn't believe me.  I told him I didn't want that life for him - only seeing his kids now and again and all the other stuff that comes with separating.  It's very sad when someone can't take any chance that you offer them.  I did believe we could have had a great marriage again, but I guess he was so in love with his AP by then he just couldn't let her go.
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Hope everyone has a great weekend!
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I instantly wanted to work on my marriage which I knew wasn't perfect.  This was easier choice for me as he went NC with OW on that day also.  He also said he never wanted to leave our family(cake eater) so I was able to move past a few things maybe a bit quicker(maybe sometimes too quick). I have had many struggles trying to trust that over is over but I hope that comes with time.  We still struggle with defensiveness on his side/triggers by me/reconnecting but I try to have hope/faith that we will get there.

We had a 20 year marriage and he wasn't an a$$hat for most of that time.  I'm fairly religious so I knew grace should at least be attempted.  

I also wanted no regrets so being able to say "at least I tried" was really important to me.  My kids have been kept fairly innocent to the entire mess and I'd like to keep it that way.  
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