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UrbanExplorer
Guiltguilt wrote:


That's what makes this forum so special. There's no getting away from the pain that comes from straight talking, but at least here there are people in each position who are working towards healing, however that may look.


I participate in another forum in which some of the loudest voices proclaim all cheaters are selfish, entitled, just looking for sexual variety, don't love anyone, cannot be redeemed, and deserve whatever hell comes next. They proclaim cheating is literally the worst thing in life (I realize I am a WS, but my best friend was brutally murdered, and my affair was worse?). I think people and relationships are complex, people sometimes make very poor choices without malice, and it isn't so black and white. I worry that anyone who is past the immediate horror stage and hoping to heal will get stuck in despair in a forum like that.

On the other hand, although less common, I have read advice from WS about how not to get caught or why not to disclose.
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Adrift
UrbanExplorer wrote:
Am I reading correctly that both spouses in this situation had affairs?


Yes, but I was first and more prolofic.
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Bahar
Marlin44 , I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through . Yes, all men are not the same , i have brothers who are marrieds and have been faithful to their wives . Every time I read a story about a spouse is being hurt makes me so mad . We are all humans and no one deserves to be in emotional pain . You take care of yourself . I wish you all my best .
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Bahar
Hi , everyone , I'm sorry for my disrespectful words . I get very sad and hurt when I learn about those who gets cheat on and they go through emotional pain .
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Anna26
Bahar,


I agree, it's easy to get sucked in to someone else's story. It hurts like it's your own and everything is so raw. The times I've read through what I've typed and thought 'nope..can't put THAT'...lol
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Marlin44
Yes Bahar I know the pain very well and I hate it for anyone that has ever been cheated on it is just so selfish when you have been faithful honest and loved them with all your heart for years. That's what makes it so hard to understand and then all the lies you were told. Anyway that's why it is so important to think before you speak so you don't hurt someone that is already hurt and in so much pain.We are all in a bad place here and we need to help everyone we can.
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Adrift
UrbanExplorer wrote:
I participate in another forum in which some of the loudest voices proclaim all cheaters are selfish, entitled, just looking for sexual variety, don't love anyone, cannot be redeemed, and deserve whatever hell comes next. They proclaim cheating is literally the worst thing in life (I realize I am a WS, but my best friend was brutally murdered, and my affair was worse?). I think people and relationships are complex, people sometimes make very poor choices without malice, and it isn't so black and white. I worry that anyone who is past the immediate horror stage and hoping to heal will get stuck in despair in a forum like that. On the other hand, although less common, I have read advice from WS about how not to get caught or why not to disclose.


May I ask, is this other forum "Surviving Infidelity . com"?  Just wondering. I feel like that community might have lot of very vengeful people in it.
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