Right now, I would believe nothing from your husband. You should just trust me is the dumbest line anyone lying ever used. It’s like a neon sign saying I AM NOT TELLING YOU THE TRUTH!
That being said, it is far to early to decide if it’s time to throw in the towel on a nine year relationship. This discovery is upsetting. And can be traumatizing. For both of you. They lie because they are ashamed. They lie because they sincerely believe that they are saving you from unnecessary pain. Sometimes they lie because they are liars. Until you know which one you’ve got, I would wait around and see how things unfold.
This takes an extraordinary amount of time that will enrage you, make you sadder than you have ever felt, and test your patience to its limits. But if you have that in you (and your physical safety is not an issue), I would save the stay/go decision for another time. Usually BS give it at least 6 months.
I hope this helps. I hope that things get easier sooner rather than later. Keep reaching out for help. And remember to take care of yourself.
Wishing everyone here peace and healing! Female BS Married 18 yrs DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting.