TimT
Annika's Story is about one woman's affair and her decision about whether or not to tell her husband about it. You can read her story online using the link below, or download the PDF version (attached) for offline reading.

http://www.affairhealing.com/annika-affair-story.html
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Annika
Has it been over a decade since this era in my life?  Seems very very distant.  I feel forgiven, by Adam, by God and by myself.  I think the biggest realization I had was to CHOOSE to love the one I married.  Life is good, very very good.
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Sharon
Yes, Annika, I think we all have to CHOOSE the person we are married to, over and over again...we also have to CHOOSE to see all the good about them, rather than the less than perfect stuff.
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Godspeach
How do you live with the knowledge that you weren't totally transparent? what if someday the entire truth comes out, and you lose everything?
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Annika
For me, to not tell the whole truth kept my husband whole.  I bear the burden, he remains unscarred.  It was not cowardice that made me not tell. there was never a "phew, got away with that one" moment.  Sometimes I find people tell all to cleanse themselves, and that is indeed a good thing - however that was not what I wanted for Adam.  The truth will come out someday be that on this plain or the afterlife, remains to be seen if it all falls apart. [smile]
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Intuition77
Annika wrote:
For me, to not tell the whole truth kept my husband whole.  I bear the burden, he remains unscarred.  It was not cowardice that made me not tell. there was never a "phew, got away with that one" moment.  Sometimes I find people tell all to cleanse themselves, and that is indeed a good thing - however that was not what I wanted for Adam.  The truth will come out someday be that on this plain or the afterlife, remains to be seen if it all falls apart. [smile]



Did you ever think that the deeper connection you longed for could have been achieved through creating a new open and honest marriage with your husband? I don't buy (anyone's not you in
Particular) the lied to protect my spouse line. No offense but I think it's more along the lines of I don't want to hurt them
More because I have to live with the burden of being the one who put that pain there & deal with the consequences. Unless a BS says I don't want to know then I feel full honesty is the only way to respect your spouse. Love is a choice. But you do realize by withholding the truth you are stopping him from being free to make his own choices about his life based on reality and who you really are( meaning your past your secrets etc)?

And your IMO shorting yourself as well. Secrets destroy marriages whether it's an explosion or a slow erosion. For me I want my spouse to love & respect me yes. But I want him to know me fully all my flaws all my shameful moments my ugly side etc so that he loves me for exactly who I am. And chooses freely to love me knowing the truth about me. I think I deserve that. I think everyone does. Admittedly this is a huge issue for me as I've realized I was far more honest in my marriage then my spouse even before he cheated. Id rather know him fully & love him for who he is then be lied to and only love the mask he wears. I just think it's hard to accept full responsibility when you haven't been fully honest.
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