ssix6pack
First, I’m sorry I disappeared without so much as a “see ya soon”. 

Life got busy, and something had to go. And then, d-day number two. I had to entirely focus on me for a good while. 

If you recall, my husband was caught and then willingly confessed the details of a one night stand, and took full responsibility. He did whatever I asked, and our lives were rapidly changing for the better. 

He was growing closer to the Lord as well. And, conviction grew. He felt God telling him he either needed to confess everything, and risk my/our churches response, or God would handle him. And so, long story short: my husband first confessed to our Pastor and elders, he wrote a detailed full confession, including a timeline with all he could recall. And then, together they called me. They told me he was coming home to confess more sin, and someone was following to ensure my kids were taken care of. 

Over a decade of acting out. So much. From 6 months into our marriage, and onward. Sex, fooling around, flirting...always while gone for some military training. Overseas, hours away, didn’t matter. 

In 2013 he decided to quit. But, not confess. He continued to go to strip clubs and inappropriate places/parties, but thought he was doing ok since he was “just looking”.

Until, 2018 when he gave in, and was finally caught. 

There are so so many details that would make this far too long. 

He has not acted out since his confession in ‘18. And, while his full confession deeply wounded me, it also helped me. 

Only a changed man, willing to suffer the consequences, would confess what was going hidden. Also, he had been unfaithful since I was 19 years old. It wasn’t my age, my few wrinkles, my child bearing...I was finally free from self blame. It was HIS brokenness. The whole time. 

I did require a small in-home separation while I processed this new information. I made no immediate commitment to him. My church supported my decision entirely. 

A few days after d day 2, I discovered I’m pregnant. I was devastated, scared, and thankful. A few days ago we learned SHE may have Down syndrome. We’re awaiting blood test results to confirm. 

We took affair recoverys 13 week ems, and found it mostly helpful. Are in counseling. But, are doing surprisingly well. 

I still have bad moments, and struggle with my emotions towards him. But, really...he continues to be steadfast and a brand new man. I think the suffering will be worth it for the new marriage we’re building. Still, so much trauma. 

Anyway. I hope to catch up with the group soon and be around more often. 

Please, share how YOU are. I’ve thought so much about each of you. 
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
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Phoenix
Wow, you have been through so much in the last year. It sounds like you are doing better than before. Like you are real progress.
How did you take it when he confessed for the second time? 
Prayers going your way 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I left came back, left came back. My relationship with my BS is at a stand still. I have made to many wrong choices and have done to much damage. I have hope the size of a rice grain but haven’t given up. 
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ssix6pack
Phoenix wrote:
Wow, you have been through so much in the last year. It sounds like you are doing better than before. Like you are real progress.
How did you take it when he confessed for the second time? 
Prayers going your way 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I left came back, left came back. My relationship with my BS is at a stand still. I have made to many wrong choices and have done to much damage. I have hope the size of a rice grain but haven’t given up. 


Initially, furious. I immediately told him I hated him - not for his past - but for his willingness to wait almost a year, watching me heal, only to traumatize me again. I was waiting for the pain to come back: no appetite, hair falling out, weight loss. But, it didn’t. It wasn’t the same kind of trauma. Instead as the days went on I kept thinking things like, “Wow. He really hates who he used to be, he confessed all of this without any suspicion of guilt.” And, I started to see his confession as bravery. My anger still came in waves, but it was softened by these realizations. 

And then came the pregnancy test. I didn’t take that so well! It made me feel trapped at first, and scared. But, that has long since passed and I see her life as a reward from the Lord, a merciful gift of joy. It was almost confirmation of, “yes! Reconciliation! Confession! This is what I desire!” 

Im certainly healing. My marriage is being redeemed. I still have more work to do though! 
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
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Diraz
Hey ssixpack! It’s so good to here from you! Your courage and you ability to extend such grace is very inspiring. Seeing that is was the betrayer that was broken I believe is a huge step. It’s very hard to see sometimes and took the first year till I saw it. It was right there I just had to look past my pain. How amazing to have the support of your church. I know you still have healing to do and I also know you’ll get there. You’ll have the marriage you deserve, that you both deserve. Prayers for you all and your precious baby. 🙏🏼
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ssix6pack
Diraz wrote:
Hey ssixpack! It’s so good to here from you! Your courage and you ability to extend such grace is very inspiring. Seeing that is was the betrayer that was broken I believe is a huge step. It’s very hard to see sometimes and took the first year till I saw it. It was right there I just had to look past my pain. How amazing to have the support of your church. I know you still have healing to do and I also know you’ll get there. You’ll have the marriage you deserve, that you both deserve. Prayers for you all and your precious baby. 🙏🏼


thank you. And, thank you for reaching out to me when you saw I was missing from the forum. ❤️
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
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ThrivenotSurvive
Oh wow - You've been on one heck of a roller coaster.  And navigating it with such compassion for yourself and your husband!  

I would have felt the same way about the additional disclosures.  I'd have been furious to be put through another DD - but would also see it as a sign of good faith and true change.  Bizarre that something so painful could also be healing.  I will say I give both him and your church a lot of credit for the way they handled the second disclosure.  They seem very supportive and I am so glad for both you and he to have that in a time of so much change.  

Glad to have you back and to hear you are on a positive path!
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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ssix6pack
Oh wow - You've been on one heck of a roller coaster.  And navigating it with such compassion for yourself and your husband!  

I would have felt the same way about the additional disclosures.  I'd have been furious to be put through another DD - but would also see it as a sign of good faith and true change.  Bizarre that something so painful could also be healing.  I will say I give both him and your church a lot of credit for the way they handled the second disclosure.  They seem very supportive and I am so glad for both you and he to have that in a time of so much change.  

Glad to have you back and to hear you are on a positive path!


yes. I am really lucky to have my church fam. They’ve been so protective, and watchful over me. And, merciful yet firm with my husband. I’m not sure it would have been possible for them to handle it any better than they have. 
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
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hurting
I’m glad to see you back around! And even more glad to hear that despite the difficulties you have been facing, you have managed it with such grace. You are amazing. Never ever forget that. 

I’ve been doing better in that things have calmed down and we do not talk about the affair daily any more (because I don’t feel the need to), though of course it’s never far from my mind. The same old pattern of suffering steps backwards after some apparent progress continues- I just hope that there continue to be more steps forward in the future, than steps back.

Reading your story always made me wonder. My WS would look at brothels (I know because I caught him looking online) which he swears were for the pornographic images (he had issues with porn addiction), after i installed a porn blocker on his computer. As you would understand, I’m not sure I trust that it was all ‘just looking’... but he swears that he has never been to one ever. In a weird twisted way, I would actually ‘almost’ rather that he would confess and tell me that yes he has been. Because his confession would mean a whole lot more to me. All I am left with, is doubt and mistrust that if he cheated on me and has looked at brothels, the chances that he has been to such a place are NOT slim. And yet he continues to claim and deny that he has EVER been to one. He has ‘only looked’ for the pictures. It’s truly horrific and disgusting behaviour. Yet to me, there is one behaviour worse than that. Lying. I just want the truth. Somehow, the only ‘truth’ I seem to be willing to (and yet NOT wanting to actually be true) accept is that he has actually been. I suppose it’s because of how severely he has abused my trust.

I know that in a way, what matters is ‘now’. How he is changing and behaving are key. He is no longer going to inappropriate places/parties. Yet being willing to confess would be PROOF of change. Denying having been to those places doesn’t help. Though in the unlikely event that he actually hasn’t been, I suppose claiming that he has wouldn’t really help either. I’m stuck. 

I wish you luck in your journey and in the pregnancy.
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ssix6pack
hurting wrote:
I’m glad to see you back around! And even more glad to hear that despite the difficulties you have been facing, you have managed it with such grace. You are amazing. Never ever forget that. 

I’ve been doing better in that things have calmed down and we do not talk about the affair daily any more (because I don’t feel the need to), though of course it’s never far from my mind. The same old pattern of suffering steps backwards after some apparent progress continues- I just hope that there continue to be more steps forward in the future, than steps back.

Reading your story always made me wonder. My WS would look at brothels (I know because I caught him looking online) which he swears were for the pornographic images (he had issues with porn addiction), after i installed a porn blocker on his computer. As you would understand, I’m not sure I trust that it was all ‘just looking’... but he swears that he has never been to one ever. In a weird twisted way, I would actually ‘almost’ rather that he would confess and tell me that yes he has been. Because his confession would mean a whole lot more to me. All I am left with, is doubt and mistrust that if he cheated on me and has looked at brothels, the chances that he has been to such a place are NOT slim. And yet he continues to claim and deny that he has EVER been to one. He has ‘only looked’ for the pictures. It’s truly horrific and disgusting behaviour. Yet to me, there is one behaviour worse than that. Lying. I just want the truth. Somehow, the only ‘truth’ I seem to be willing to (and yet NOT wanting to actually be true) accept is that he has actually been. I suppose it’s because of how severely he has abused my trust.

I know that in a way, what matters is ‘now’. How he is changing and behaving are key. He is no longer going to inappropriate places/parties. Yet being willing to confess would be PROOF of change. Denying having been to those places doesn’t help. Though in the unlikely event that he actually hasn’t been, I suppose claiming that he has wouldn’t really help either. I’m stuck. 

I wish you luck in your journey and in the pregnancy.


What you’re saying makes sense. There’s something freeing and peace giving when you have confidence you know everything. Yet, betrayal hurts so badly. 

Thanks for your encouragement. I pray your healing continue to move forward. 
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
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