TimT
Note: I'm looking of input regarding the experiences of the unfaithful partner. Some contributions may be quoted in an affair recovery manual I am writing. (I'll give you a free copy if I quote you.) I'm especially looking for quotes from those who had an affair, but betrayed spouses may also comment about their experiences with an unfaithful spouse in these areas.

Questions to consider: Did you go to counseling after your affair? Alone, or with your spouse? Whose idea was it (yours our your spouse's)? Was/is your counselor effective in the recovery process? How long did you stay in counseling? Did it help? How (or why not)?
Quote 0 0
Kalmarjan
TimT wrote:
Questions to consider: Did you go to counseling after your affair? Alone, or with your spouse? Whose idea was it (yours our your spouse's)? Was/is your counselor effective in the recovery process? How long did you stay in counseling? Did it help? How (or why not)?

Wow, where to begin.

After D Day, I stayed in the house for a couple more months.all the while, I was maintaining the affair. I did go to counselling, and it was my wife's idea at first. So, I found myself in marriage counselling on my birthday of all days.
Truthfully, I went out of obligation, to prove that I put my best foot forward and "tried."
Nothing could be further from the truth.
I spent all of the hour spewing my anger and vitriol. So much so, the therapist said that in his 35+ years of experience, he didn't see much hope. At least I got it off my chest.

Fast forward over a year, and it was me that came Ba K, and me that asked to see the therapist. I was willing to talk, to learn.
Plus, I now know that I have a good 75% weight of the problems that occurred in our marriage, so I am feverishly working on that (or myself) so I don't fall into the same trap.

Is the counsellor helping? (He is one and the same as the year previous.) absolutely. He doesn't take sides, and really makes you think.

Our alloted slots are done, but we are going to continue seeing the counsellor because we feel it will help us do what we never could. Communicate and be a couple that doesn't do harmful emotional things to each other.
Quote 0 0