Grace123
3 years ago today my husband was on deployment. 3 weeks into his 7 month deployment he went out to a strip club (was drunk before going) and had an affair with a stripper. I am struggling to fully trust him again. I still hurt deeply every single day. I found out by a text he sent me the day before arriving home from deployment. I am okay when he is home he is a loving husband and dad but when he leaves I'm effected greatly. Anxious all the time and throwing up.
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Trinity
Trusting again is a process.  My husband is in the Military too.  I feel your pain because he and I live in separate states, 800 miles away from each other.  When we are together things are pretty decent and we get along very well but when he returns to his state I feel the same as you do.  However; my situation happened 6 months ago and you are 3 years out.
My question for you is this, has your trust been growing in these years or stayed the same ?
BS - DDay July 2017

O GOD, take me, break me, make me. 
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DorothyJane7
 I can’t imagine what the long separations bring to the healing process! I’m sure it is much harder when you don’t have the consistency and reassurance in their daily presence and action. The anxiety you describe is so hard to live with in day today life! Building trust certainly is a process. It is also a choice.  I’m coming to see that it is a vulnerable choice. We are opening ourselves up for hurt when we trust. 

 Feeling confident in that trust must be something that comes in time, I guess. I am choosing to trust. I  find it uncomfortable at times. I certainly think of strange and crazy accusations in my head about what might be going on behind my back. They are unfounded, by the way, but still make me anxious.  

I’m hoping they fade all together in time. I have been taking medication recently that is helping me put those feelings aside a little faster.  It’s hard to tell so far, but that medication might also be making me a little numb, all around. I’m not sure yet.   In time, I’ll have to decide whether I stay on this medicine of course. I’m just wondering if you have tried medication for the anxiety 
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Trinity
Dorothy Jane...  Trust is a choice and it surely is not an easy choice nor is it an easy road and the messed up thing is that "WE" did not put ourselves in this situation !!!  Not only did we NOT ask to be here but now we have to try and trust again.  Uggghhhhhhh, the process is arduous and at times I'm so tired I want to give up.  [frown]  But I don't and I keep on keeping on because I'm trying to go through this with style and grace and beauty and love.  
YES, I have taken medication to stop the racing thoughts and sleepless night and at times, just to get through the F*^ng day !!!  [smile]  I don;t need meds too much anymore but I have them ready just in case I have a bad "trigger: day that sets me off (I know you get where I am coming from)
For me, time and reflection and my faith has brought me very far through this and honestly, I know I am a better person because of this struggle.  
There is NO other action in the world that compares to this kind of pain and growth.....  perhaps we are blessed ??  Don't know, still working my healing.
BS - DDay July 2017

O GOD, take me, break me, make me. 
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