When a person cheats on their spouse/SO, it is the most hurtful and disrespectful thing you can do to them. It literally destroys them as a person, destroys who they are, who they thought they were. It destroys the entire world for them. The question everything, their very existence. For some they can heal, some can not. But none are ever the same again.
Then for that WS to have the audacity to say, "no, I'm not going to stop talking to my AP, because (insert completely cruel and selfish reason). I'm not going to be transparent, allow you access my phone, email, social media accounts that I used to betray you in every way possible or make sure you know where I'm at all times because that is an invasion of my privacy, etc, blah blah." That is complete horses***, period. That is a clear message that they have no intention of being honest with you. If my wife had not agreed to no contact, and every single boundary/rule on D-day, she along with all of her belongings would have been in the street.
Since this terrible injury can't be seen with the eyes, look at it this way. A WS brings this OP into the marital home everyday and they both verbally degrade, and physically assault the BS everyday for months upon months, or years upon years. The BS says enough! Then the WS says ok, we won't do that anymore, but we are both going to still come here and hangout everyday, but I promise we won't do "that" again. It's crazy talk.
I'm my opinion, 100% NC, 100% transparency are non negotiable. You either do it or get out. I get that the WS carry much shame, as they should. So if that shame is to heavy burden to be truly there for your BS in the beginning after D-day, maybe I can get some of that but, I would accept no more disrespect. Like all things, just my 2 cents, everyone has to Mae their own decisions.
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....