Thrown4aLoop
Why is it so hard to face reality? My reality couldn't really be any clearer. My husband left me to start a new life with his AP last August. At least that is when he moved most of his stuff out and said he thought he wanted a divorce, not sure if that is when they started to live together or not. Not that when really changes the outcome. He's gone and with someone else.

Somehow, I still am constantly looking for "answers" but really I want examples of people who came back, people who woke up and realized that the new life isn't what they want and that they were temporarily insane.

I can't shake the feeling that our story isn't over and that deep down he misses me. I want to wake up and see that isn't the case, he made his choice and it wasn't me.

Any advice on accepting reality and stopping the rationalizations?
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Kalmarjan
I am one of those people.
http://community.affairhealing.com/post/my-story-7407346?pid=1287377532
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Thrown4aLoop
Kalmarjan wrote:
I am one of those people. http://community.affairhealing.com/post/my-story-7407346?pid=1287377532

I know you are, that is why I have gravitated to your story and pretty much your every word. :-)
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Kalmarjan
Ah, sorry there has been an influx of new people here, sometimes I get my lines crossed.
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Thrown4aLoop
Do not be sorry, I was just letting you know that I was familiar...your story was the first one I read on here last summer and I pretty much have followed this forum because of that. I finally joined in November and posted my first post in February. So thank you for sharing, for responding and working through this in a public way. Do you find that helping others helps you?

I have a personal question (funny huh?) what does your wife think of the forum? Do you think she see its as a way for you to heal or maybe as a form of behavioral modification?

I often think of filing for divorce (most of me feels like he should be the one to do it—its obviously what he wants) but I stop myself due to the really small kernel of hope I still have left. Did your wife start the divorce process or did she not take moving on that far?
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Kalmarjan
My wife was apprehensive at first about these forums. Her fear wad that I would find someone here to be innaproapiate with.

But she also sees that I have come a long way helping others, and it has helped me understand myself better. So, there's that.

My wife was all for reconciliation straight from the gate. Even when everyone else was telling her to give me up, to divorce my stupid ass, she still always held onto a hope that I would come to my senses.

That said, she didn't force the issue. She got help for herself, and started working on herself. Then she started letting me go.

Nothing sobered me up faster than that!
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Thrown4aLoop
As far as he knows I pretty much let him go months ago, so unfortunately I think he is fine with that decision. Now I have to keep working toward being OK with that as well. I never would have believed that he would be OK with not having me in his life.
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Dinomus
Thrown4aLoop
I totally understand how you feel. I really hope your husband is able to wake up. Kal's story definitely gives hope.

Were you able to do anything fun/nice for yourself this weekend? What types of things do you find help you focus on you and keep you going in a positive direction?
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Thrown4aLoop
Dinomus

It is probably not the best for me, but I work a lot. I get to work from home which I love, but it allows me to work really long hours. My job is creative so that always helps me. Even with long hours, I make sure to get exercise in first thing in the morning—I teach spin a couple days a week, lift with a trainer and do yoga 3-5 times a week. Physical activity always makes me feel better and helping other people get active helps as well.

This weekend was filled with work—we are launching a product in the next few weeks so I am swamped with last minute to dos.

I hope you got some "out of your head" time this weekend.
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Dinomus
I saw a few of my friends this weekend (spa/movie day) so that helped keep me distracted. Although the conversation usually eventually goes to how I'm doing and everything. I try not to talk as much about it because I'm sure they are tired of hearing. They have been very supportive and helpful though.

Sounds like you are busy and I'm sure that definitely helps. Work keeps me preoccupied as well. You seem to have good tools in place to keep you out of your head. Hope you are feeling better and also take time out of work to treat yourself to things.
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