Adrift Show full post »
wareagle
Anna,  I have become so much closer to my eldest daughter because of this.  When the affair ended and my wife told us all individually my oldest daughter began to talk to her a little more but once my wife moved 500 miles away that was a game changer.  My oldest daughter has become closer to her and now says I know what she did was wrong but she is my mom.  I'm fine with that but I still wish she would hold her a little more accountable.  It's almost like she feels sorry for her because she plays the victim.  

I made a decision yesterday.  My wife loves to put all these quotes on pintrest and facebook.  most of them are about depression, grief, or how great she is doing.  She knows I check her social media so I believe she puts that stuff up there to make me believe everything in fine or to make herself believe it.  I would occasionally put quotes up on pintrest about loving her and other relationship quotes because I know she monitors mine.  We don't communicate so it was a way of telling her I haven't given up.  I went and erased all of my relationship quotes yesterday because she put 4 or 5 quotes up about someone playing the victim and trying to make the other person look bad.  I will still check out her page but I am done trying to make her realize I love her.  She knows that.  Then after I erased all of my quotes She liked a picture of another non relationship quote that I had posted.  That was really weird.  I'm not giving up, just decided that I can no longer try to communicate with her that way.  It's stupid.  
Quote 1 0
sunflower07
Mavrik86,

I think that you have made a brave decision. Social media compounds things, that's for sure. I know this to be true in my relationship with my WS while he was trying to end his affair with his AP. I kept reading into things that were being posted by thectwo of them. Once I tagged my husband in something he would like and his AP immediately liked it! I was so angry when this happened.

Eventually, I had to close my account for awhile. It was better for me this way and I'm glad I stepped away from it. I think social media allows us to circumvent real communication. So does texting! Our therapist has recently asked us to stop communicating by texting and to have real time conversations instead.

Quote 0 0
wareagle
Sunflower,  i don't think of myself as being very brave. This has been so hard and sometimes i wonder if i will make it through this. It still feels like a dream even after a year. i can't believe that her anger and bitterness doesnt seem to have softened. I have told her i love her and want to work it out numerous times. i think that she does not believe that i can forgive her.
Quote 0 0
sunflower07
My husband said the same thing to me and he still does at times when I express my anger about his actions. But we are having good times again also, so that helps. We remained together although I did leave about 6 times for a night or two. Physical proximity sort of forces you to work on your issues. Neither of us are good at just going through the motions.

Why do you think she is angry at you? Does she blame you for her affair? Seems like that is what is holding her up right now. Also if she is 500 miles away, she is running from the truth, at least it seems that way to me.

I would be tempted to just leave her alone and not engage AT ALL if I was in your position. Let her see what life would be like without you.
Quote 0 0
wareagle
sunflower07 wrote:
My husband said the same thing to me and he still does at times when I express my anger about his actions. But we are having good times again also, so that helps. We remained together although I did leave about 6 times for a night or two. Physical proximity sort of forces you to work on your issues. Neither of us are good at just going through the motions. Why do you think she is angry at you? Does she blame you for her affair? Seems like that is what is holding her up right now. Also if she is 500 miles away, she is running from the truth, at least it seems that way to me. I would be tempted to just leave her alone and not engage AT ALL if I was in your position. Let her see what life would be like without you.


Sunflower, My wife doesn't tell me that she doesn't believe that I will forgive her I just get that feeling.  I have not thrown the affair in her face in a long time.  I really don't know why she is angry at me.  I understand to be mad but not for as long as she has been mad.  She says its because I snooped on her. Her cell phone was in my name and i put find my iphone and tracked her and she went to a truck stop and met with the guy (he is a trucker).  We argued a lot while she was living in the house and we never did before all this started.  She claimed that because I was unemployed for a year that caused stress and was what allowed a 3rd party come between us.  She is now living with her mom.  I was determined that I was not gonna leave my house because I did not do anything.  She claimed that she did not have anywhere to go because she could not afford to live on her own.  There were friends (older couple) that told her she could come stay with them but she would not.  At one point when I was mad I told her that if she wasnt gonna be with me I wanted her to leave the state and go live with her mother.  That way I would not have to see her.  That was something I said while hurting.  She is pushing for a divorce and we have a separation hearing at the end of the month.  After that I probably will have very little contact.  Our daughter is getting married a few days before the hearing.  I am not looking forward to it because it is gonna be very awkward.  I have really not contacted her but she does contact me by text every few days.  I only have contacted her after softball games telling her a score and how our daughter did at the plate.  She would come back with thanks or thank you.  She will text me with questions about school or our daughter, taxes.  I plan on leaving her alone so yes then she can see what it is like.  She is trying to portray that she is loving the independent, single life.
Quote 0 0