Chrissie
I've been surprised to find my husband quite negative when talking about my friends and family recently which is quite out of character for him. It's not a big deal and nothing he has said has been hugely offensive, just negative off-the-cuff comments or trying to get out of spending time with my family. My husband has never been the life of the party and I know nobody is ever thrilled about spending time with the in-laws but he's always seemed happy and at ease around my friends and family. It just makes me wonder if this is also part of the process. I've been thinking about it and there is a kind of logic to it. Obviously, if he decides to leave me and our two littlies to be with the other woman he is going to seriously upset those who love me most. Maybe WS reconcile this with themselves by deciding ahead of time that they never really liked those people anyway and are not bothered by what the loved ones of their BS think of them. Just a thought. Thought I'd put it out there to see if anyone else has had similar experiences. I have found that if I can step away from the emotion of it all it's a fascinating process.
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TimT
Chrissie wrote:
...Maybe WS reconcile this with themselves by deciding ahead of time that they never really liked those people anyway and are not bothered by what the loved ones of their BS think of them. Just a thought...

This is likely true. This "Truth-Shifting" occurs in regard to other perspectives, too: the unfaithful spouse's memory of marriage history, their measure of past love for the betrayed spouse, the intensity of past problems faced, the length and depth of their dissatisfaction, etc. And knowing what will be the likely reaction of friends and family can lead them establish relationship buffers ahead of time so that their pain is minimized. 

It's sad, but common. And the unfaithful spouse is often unaware of how actively they are involved in making these shifts.
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Guiltguilt
That's my experience as well. She is very close to her family and even way before the affair, I didn't want to face them any more. I pulled away from all involvement. I was subconsciously setting myself up. I hated anything wholesome. Truth shifting is an apt term.
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