I think it's been about a month since I last posted. I had an affair that was uncovered late last year. Two days later, my wife asked me to leave and things haven't been good since then. I broke off all contact with the affair partner and worked on what I needed to do to fix things, but my wife remained angry and unconvinced. She wouldn't even go to counseling with me.
Until a couple weeks ago. It's not really marriage counseling. It's counseling to help process what's happened and see if we can at least find a way to get along as parents. (We have 2 kids.) But maybe it can turn into something else? I'd still like our marriage to work, but not sure she feels the same. In counseling, she either says nothing or attacks.
I know, I know... patience.
What else am I suppose to do? Whatever I offer, she doesn't seem to want. I just focus on our girls and try to sneak in kind words/deeds whenever I can. I don't know how else to say I'm sorry until she's really ready to listen with her heart and not just her ears. Maybe that will never come.
Anyway, I'm trying.
I was wondering what happened with you. It's been a while.
Great first steps. I remember being in your space too. It seemed like I was doing all the talking in marriage counselling. I also know that my wife was processing. Could yours be doing the same?
One thing to understand is that the thought of getting back together with you brings tremendous risk. Perhaps your wife doesn't want you to "win" her back with nice words, or any offer that you have.
May I ask, what have you done so far for your own personal growth and reflection? Does your wife know about this? Have you demonstrated this in your counselling sessions?
My wife went through tremendous pain. She even talked about ending things. It was that bad. When I read about that I asked her, and I talked about it to her. I understand so well how she felt that it made me look towards myself because I NEVER want her to feel like that again because of my actions.
Honestly, I think my wife would have took me back no matter what I said, but we would be nowhere right now if I hadn't worked on myself.
Have you figured out what led you to do this? Why you had a lack of boundaries? Have you fixed things? How? Does your wife know this? Do you know how your wife feels? What her biggest fears are? What are you doing to show her that you understand what happened and WHY it will never happen again?
Good to see you back, you are on the right track. It's a tough beat, but if this is meant to be, it's worth it.