Although my wife does vehemently argue that her fantasy life played no role whatsoever in her affair, I've talked to quite a few people who have had their crazy cycle begin during or following their wife's obsession with 50 Shades of Grey and similar novels. Has this been a problem for other members? I have not read all of the books or seen the movie so granted I don't have many answers to what role they played specifically to my situation. I just had the concern that the obsession and hiding the fantasy was harmful to my marriage and I'm wondering if it's one of those things that is actually an unspoken factor in some of these situations. I understand that pornography plays a huge role in marital problems, so it might be worth distinguishing further discussion between men and women. Thanks
Crippled lamb i had meant to respond to this a long time ago & I apologize for taking so long!
I haven't read those books either. I think the key point is the "obsession & HIDING the fantasy".
I think people can have fantasies and not damage their marriage. It's the hiding. Because you hide things your ashamed of. I have read erotic books but I never hid them from my spouse and even talked to him about them. I also tried to discuss fantasies he was reluctant and didn't want to talk about it.
He was hiding a massive porn habit. And I think porn is damaging and can lead to affairs. But I think someone who occasionally views porn and wants to be open and honest & discuss sex and such things with their spouse is probably not going to get addicted or take it to extremes and secrets and hiding.
It's the secrets and lies and hiding that's the problem. That's how I think they start to create a fantasy world and retreat there more and more. I think visual porn for a man could easily be a similar problem with books etc for a woman. I read some great articles about how porn changes the brain and stimulates the parts of the brain that get excited over novelty. So the brain begins to crave and crave new new new. That's why porn addicts will eventually move to disturbing porn or things they once wouldn't have considered. If I can find some
Links I'll post them here.