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Kalmarjan
Joss wrote:
Thanks anna26 i cooking so i think im staying he is actually making small talk with me. While watering the grass when i went outside to throw the trash away. But i dont want to push it i really dont know how to act around him so he doesn't feel pressured or anything im i just over thinking stuff? I think im presenting my self as relaxed and calm but I doubt my every move.


There is a good chance he is casing you out. Just don't think too much of it, and again, work for yourself. You may find he will open up to you when the time feels right.

Either way, occupy yourself. The world your husband is in right now is confusing, maddening. If you are to be the person he anchors to, then know that this may be a temporary madness (if you will.) He will come around, or he won't.

Thing is, either way you will be okay.
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Joss
Anna26
I think thats the last thing we want to talk about. I dont want to know about it i just want to know it ended and thats it. I dont want details or anything. We are doing good i think my kids where playing with their race cars and he suggested that me and him had a race with the cars.(im pretty happy) I brought out a cup of water for him and he splashed some water on me playing around. I hope this keeps happening because this is what i want. I dont known if it was my letter or her rejection that have him like this today but ill take it.
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TimT
Joss wrote:
... how else can i let him know that i am here fot him that i want to help him. That i want to work things out. He keeps pushing me away and he has said that he doesn't deserve me and that he is not worth my time. But i have told him that i am not going to give up and that he is worth it to me. How else can i show him my support and devotion to fixing all this?

You've done the right thing. You can continue to confirm that you are willing to work on the marriage and do your part in the healing IF/WHEN he decides he wants it, too. You need to be very careful that you're not doing the work while he's left in his "confusion." You can play that game for a very long time.

So, while you continue to confirm your commitment & willingness to rebuild your marriage, you must keep some emotional distance from him. You can exercise kindness & grace, if that is your choice, without trying to re-establish intimacy (emotionally or physically). He needs to be initiating these things.

And, in my opinion, you should resist relational encounters until he is more certain about what he wants and demonstrates a commitment to work on his stuff. 

The danger here is that if you respond to every hint of hope he give you, you may experience his back-and-forth emotions (wanting you, not wanting you) for a very long time. This will only do more damage to both of you.

I hope he continues to find his way out of the fog.
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Joss
Hi!everyone

Well this couple of days have NOT been fun for me. My daughter had a first time seizure. And was at the hospital for a day and 1/2. My husband was their with us at all time and was supportive. He was some what attentive to me worring if I eating or not and hugging me(on my request) for confort. He keeps being in an out of his feelings and is driving me crazy!. One minute i ask him what his intentions are and he says he cares and loves me and the next minute he says he doesn't know becouse im never going to "get over it"i had made progress but since i founding out he tried to contact he again i feel like im back on squere one with all this. He spend the night last light after getting out of the hopital with my daughter. And i stared to tell him that i knew what i wanted because i was here trying to work thinks out. And then he said well im here as well. I asked him to help me forget what happened. He asked how to what i responded stop looking for her stop being so defensive toward me im here for you. We where intimate after to be honest. But today in the morning before he left for work i kind reminded him of what he had said the night before. To what he responded"i dont remember saying that" aaaaaah that made me so MAD! Is he just "pretending" not to remember why is he being a jerk! Please i need more advice. From all of you.
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Joss
TimT wrote:
Joss wrote:
... how else can i let him know that i am here fot him that i want to help him. That i want to work things out. He keeps pushing me away and he has said that he doesn't deserve me and that he is not worth my time. But i have told him that i am not going to give up and that he is worth it to me. How else can i show him my support and devotion to fixing all this?

You've done the right thing. You can continue to confirm that you are willing to work on the marriage and do your part in the healing IF/WHEN he decides he wants it, too. You need to be very careful that you're not doing the work while he's left in his "confusion." You can play that game for a very long time.

So, while you continue to confirm your commitment & willingness to rebuild your marriage, you must keep some emotional distance from him. You can exercise kindness & grace, if that is your choice, without trying to re-establish intimacy (emotionally or physically). He needs to be initiating these things.

And, in my opinion, you should resist relational encounters until he is more certain about what he wants and demonstrates a commitment to work on his stuff. 

The danger here is that if you respond to every hint of hope he give you, you may experience his back-and-forth emotions (wanting you, not wanting you) for a very long time. This will only do more damage to both of you.

I hope he continues to find his way out of the fog.







Yess !! I feel like im doing all the work and he is still "confused" amd that is my problem tim that i want this to be over that any little thing he says or does i take as a hint that he wants to be ok with me and i guess is NOT the case. Feeling sad and desperate.
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