The night before last, we were having a ‘normal’ evening, and my WH out of nowhere says “I think we should talk about separation”. 

And I completely blew up and kicked him out of the house as fast as he could get his clothes. 

(If you haven’t read my past post): we are 9 months past last d-day. I’ve been trying to stay together because we have a child. 

Im unhappy. WH mostly tries hard, but we obviously have issues now. He claimed the next day that he wanted to offer it as an option for me if it would make me happier. I see it as: if he isn’t 200% committed to improving our relationship then I want him gone. Also, since he cheated our 5 whole years of marriage, I also feel my spidey senses going off... that he may be wanting to “temporarily separate” because he has a new interest he wants to spend time with.  (He venhemenly denies that, but that’s been his mo). 

Am am I overreacting, to push him to move out now, because HE brought it up?
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You are not overreacting.  And I would listen to your spidey- sense. 

Try to take a step back and look at everything about your partner -and your life together - as if it was was someone elses’ life.  

Has he been doing the work to figure out why he needs to have this fantasy life?  Has he been working to rebuild your trust and showing patience and compassion for your pain? 

And then ask yourself this - if your child was grown right now, and in a relationship like yours, with a spouse acting like yours is NOW (not before) - would you encourage them to stay? 

If so, then stay and continue to work with him to repair the past and build a more beautiful future.  

But if the answer is no - remember that kids repeat the patterns they SEE and LIVE - not what you tell them.  

They not only deserve a happy and fulfilled mother - but they will have the same expectations in their relationships that they saw you live with long term.  

I know this doesn’t answer your question, but no one can know the truth of your relationship but you.  I just say TRUST YOURSELF.  

Hugs and hoping the best for you.  
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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From what I’ve read, when WS wants to move out it’s to “ test drive “ the AP.  I think you should be concerned. So sorry 😐.
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You aren’t crazy. I would’ve reacted the same way too. That would’ve been an instant ‘get the f* out of my life then’ reaction. 

I would also say listen to your gut carefully. Take that particular offer of his out, and analyse what he has done and said in these last 9 months. Has he been changing? Does he still so things that make you feel unsafe? 

Although my own reaction would’ve been the same as yours, the benefit of seeing some WS perspectives on this forum have shown me that occasionally, they do wonder if it would be less painful for their BS if they were to separate. I believe I have seen this raised as a question before here. Having said that, it does fall into that category of things that a WS ‘should not’ bring up in MY eyes, when they are trying to reconcile. It’s ok if the BS is saying they want to separate of course- we have every right to. but IMO the WS needs to be ‘all in’ and needs to SHOW their BS that- and talking about wanting to leave feeds into the BS’s fear that the WS is just wanting an easy way out, wants to go and cheat some more, has another AP (or the same) etc. 

We BS fear. A lot. With good reason! I’m not saying his reasons for bringing it up are the reasons you suspect... our fear can significantly affect how we perceive something, but it’s the response we have had to learn BECAUSE of our WS. 

So it’s time to let actions speak... what do his say? What do his say NOW, after you’ve kicked him out? 
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Sorry you are going through this...

You stated, "I'm unhappy. WH mostly tries hard, but we obviously have issues now. He claimed the next day that he wanted to offer it as an option for me if it would make me happier. I see it as: if he isn’t 200% committed to improving our relationship then I want him gone."

But you also stated that he "mostly tries hard".  So, are his efforts not close to the 200% as you desire?  is he at 175, 150, 125 or even 100%? or, do you just not believe him and think/believe he is having another affair? either way you have trust issues (and for good reason).  Maybe the real question is: "do I want this marriage"?  it seems that is more important than whether he is/isn't cheating again.

Do you have access to his phone, soc. media, emails?  can you verify your "spidey senses"? Is he allowing you access to all aspects of his life to help you heal and verify?

I am not trying to justify any of his responses in anyway; But at face value of what you wrote above and without knowing your husbands or his MO......maybe he sees you as unhappy and he just doesn't know what to do (he thinks he is doing the 200% as you require) but still sees you as unhappy.  Remember that he also may have guilt and each time he looks at you, he feels guilty...and that will also cause him to retreat thinking nothing he can do will fix this problem or your unhappiness...

I hate to offer this as the "alternative" to what others have response...but, again at face value of what is is plausible.
male BS, 10 months post dday
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